Not long after I turned on my computer early this morning, I got a pop-up notification that I had just received an e-mail. It was from Matteo, an Italian friend of mine. On his letter, he told me about his Christmas celebration in Italy—well, in Genoa, to be exact (because there’s where he lives). So, I would love to share his e-mail to you all; just to throw some more Christmas feelings in the air, cause it feels like holiday, already!!! :p

Hi Hanny,

How are you? I’m fine! In this period in Italy we are preparing to celebrate Christmas time, you know, so we decorated our house mostly using red, gold, and green as usual, but also some new Byzantine colors, that are very charming indeed. By the way our Xmas tree isn’t too big, but full of lights, balls, angels, many other decorations and even a Santa Claus near the top, where we put a big comet star, then all around the tree we organized a Nativity scene, with many figures, little houses, palms, Roman soldiers, animals, the Three Kings and so on, recreating a little part of old Palestine as we are used to know from books and illustrations.

In these last days me and my family have been driven crazy because of the many presents we had to buy for each relative of ours. We also decided to help the others by giving some money for the scientific research, during the Telethon Show, and buying candles, cakes, covers, and little things like that for old people living alone in a hospice near our town. Plus we gave some money to certain homeless, who we have met down in Genoa, and bought some food for dogs and cats, which are living in captivity into a kennel in our town. Well, nothing serious, just little things like that, that help you to feel closer the Spirit of Christmas, and which reminds you that we aren’t alone in this world, above all when it is supposed that everybody should be happier than usual…

In Italy people give a great consideration to family lunches and dinners of these holy fests, so after having cleaned and decorated our houses, and after having greeted everybody, we spend lots of time cooking food or baking cakes and other good dishes. For example my mom bakes butter, cocoa, and chocolate cookies, then she prepares a kind of “Panettone” called “Panettone Genovese”, which contains flour, eggs and butter, of course, then raisin, pine nuts, candied fruit, lemon peel, and few aniseed seeds, then she cooks cocks and roast-beef, then “Tortellini” and “Ravioli” or “Lasagne”, boils chicken, prepares fish, vole-au-vents, appetizers of every kind, then Russian Salad, and many sweet creams to fill into cakes or to cover the “Pannetone”, then she cut exotic fruit and prepare a big fruit salad, and long drinks, too, plus many dried fruit, pecan nuts, hazelnuts, peanuts, and so on. Then we bought champagne, too, in order to give a big toast to the season and to our relatives and friends as well.

On the Christmas’ Eve we will go to the Midnight Mass altogether, and for the first time there will be my girlfriend next to me. Well, to tell the truth, this is the second time, given that the very first happened when I was just 17 and I went out will a girl called Sa**ina, who was 16 at that period, but we were too young, and to be honest, I have already forgotten that time, filing it into a mental file called “Old Memories”, if you can understand what I mean… Anyway before the Mass we will have a reunion with other people, for example our neighbours and friends, then we will walk altogether to the Church, handing a little torch, so there should be a long parade of lights, that light up the night, recreating a suggestive image, very sweet and touching.

After the Mass we will meet again, joining our club—you must be a member to enter it—where we can celebrate that Holy Night by drinking hot chocolate and hot spicy wine, eating very little sandwiches and pizza slices, or some “Pannetone” and “Pandoro” and “Torrone” too, which are all typical Christmas cakes and sweets. Then we will open our presents, having a toast with Champagne or “Spumante”, and finally go to bed. On the 25th of December, we celebrate the Xmas Day with a big family lunch, that’s so long and important, that starts at Midday and stops in the afternoon, more or less at 6:00 pm, so people won’t dinner at all on that day!

We commemorate the Boxing Day as well, still having another family lunch, then we are on vacation till the 9th of January, celebrating above all the New Year’s Eve, the New Year Day and the Epiphany Day too, always mostly with dinners and lunches, but also going to the movie, reading books, cocooning in our own homes, going to the Carousel, meeting friends, relaxing, playing cards or bingo, watching TV shows and things like that, you know … Then I can’t wait for the big New Year’s Eve Party, that will be fest by my g/friend, my friend and I in a cool club round here, and for the fireworks as well.

OK, it’s time to go, I have still many things to do, and so few time for doing everything in the right time, so I’d like to stop here, if you don’t mind. Have a wonderful season, and don’t forget that I love you, my friend!

Yours, Matteo

Here I am, behind my desk in the office, surrounded by those wall-sized window pane overlooking our little garden …

It’s raining lightly outside. I just can’t keep my sight away from the falling raindrops, the way it ripples the surface of our little fish pond, the way it gives the green leaves a sparkling kind of effect. The soft orange light from my desk-lamp, romantic songs from Mbak Sri’s computer, a little teddy bear given by an ex boyfriend …

Wow. It feels like home! It feels like holiday! It feels like … us.

I miss you. Much.

I woke up this morning and felt a bit empty. The feeling of missing someone so bad, and yet I was left with the redemption of not knowing for sure about who that someone is. My head feels heavy since then. I guess I’m getting sick (again?!!). My heart feels heavy, as well. (Could it be some kind of guilty feeling?) And still, my thought goes to you …

I miss you. Much.

I use to pray for us (and our dreams) before I go to bed at night. I have my dream, and you have yours. Different world, different path, different future, different way, but we do understand each other well enough to go through it together. To keep conflicts away. To support our pursuit, though I don’t live your dream and you don’t live mine.

I miss you. Much.

You have delivered such a magical moment into my life, and I know I have delivered one for you as well. We’re not in love with each other (yet?) — because there’s a saying “never say never” …

Probably love is not the reason why we stick together up to now. It’s not because of love that we drop some messages on the net after stopped talking for a month. It’s not because of love that we keep on longing for each other’s presence during our toughest times. It’s not because of love that we share our dreams and promise to pursue it together. It’s not because of love that we’re trying to make each other a part of our own reality. It’s not because of love that we resist ourselves from getting involved with somebody new.

I miss you. Much.

It’s curiosity that keeps us together this far. We drop messages to find out whether each one of us have come to realize the dreams. It’s desperation that brought us back to each other during our saddest moments. It’s envy that caused us to share our dreams and pursue it together. I just want to know how far you’ve come, and so do you. It’s loneliness that caused us trying hard to brought each other into our own reality. It’s jealousy that keeps us reluctant to meet somebody new.

I miss you. Much.

Probably curiosity, desperation, envy, loneliness, and jealousy are simply love which is less expressed …

But, anyway, I’m still missing you. I miss us. And all the things we’ve accidentaly missed.

I find pleasure and happiness in simple things; small things that could make me soar on my lowest days … unimportant things that keeps me smiling on my saddest moments … (or am I just too easy to be pleased? hehehe :p)

These are 10 simple things that make me happy:

1. one scoop of ice cream (especially Spotty Dog!)
2. sitting at the back seat of the car; stucked in a traffic jam during heavy rain
3. smelling the fragrance of the wet soil
4. someone pats the tip of my head
5. looking at those shining stars in the night sky
6. watching people’s gestures at public places
7. buy a new book from QB!
8. white/water lillies
9. cuddling in my bed
10. someone gives me a gift for no reason at all …

Admiring someone could be dangerous … (not to mention the danger of being a huge fan of someone!).

The fact is, when we’re admiring someone, we have expectations upon that particular person. We admire him because we perceive him to be better than us. We perceive him somehow almost perfect. Sometimes we admire someone because they inspire us to do something. Or they simply brighten our days through their music/movies/writings … anything! Sometimes we’re being shallow by admiring someone just because of their good looks … hehehe :p

Frankly speaking,
I guess now I know the reason why people tend to admire someone they don’t really “know”. We admire those well-known figures who don’t know us (they don’t even know that we’re alive!).

And the most important part is: we don’t really know who they really are as well!!!

It’s hard to admire someone you know well because when you know someone so well, you’ll see the fact that nobody’s perfect. That everyone lacks of something. That everyone has their own dark sides that they’re trying to hide perfectly.

Once, I was really into this person … being a big fan of him. My world circles around him. He seemed to be almost perfect. He is handsome and talented, famous but considerate, such a gentle and humble star, an open-minded and idealistic figure, a romantic husband, a father who loves his family … until I got to know him better … and found out that he was cheating on his wife.

Hmm, I’m still a big fan of him, actually. Partially, I guess :p I got wiser in admiring someone. Came to think about it, we should not admire SOMEONE. We should admire some special qualities posessed by that someone. Don’t you think?

Well, this is just another weird thoughts of mine … since today had been such a weird day as well.

“A person who could not lead himself won’t be able to lead others”

I came to understand the ultimate truth behind these words just a few days ago …

I won’t consider myself as a good leader (I need to improve my personal qualities on that particular area), but I think I am a good follower. Being a good follower means, you let the leader to guide you through. You let the leader show you the way. You take orders. I have never had problems of becoming a follower–until one day, I came to doubt my own qualities of becoming a good follower … :p

Probably I’m just trying to defend myself … hahahaha, however … it’s hard to follow someone who doesn’t know where he is going. That’s the reason why I have problems working with disorganized people and those who doesn’t have time management skills. I do have problems following those who changes minds every once and a while, or suddenly changes directions without further consideration of the consequences that might happen afterwards. It’s hard to follow someone who constantly breaks the deal that had been settled earlier. It’s hard when someone told you to work on file-C and before you have even finished, he said,”Leave that unfinished. Now work on file-B and file-D!” And moreover, it’s so damn hard to keep calm when you have to follow someone who gets panic during a crisis and start yelling at everyone–who doesn’t deserve to be yelled (since actually they have been very helpful).

I know it’s hard to be a good leader. Sometimes the circumstances just stressed you out. But, let’s face it, a good leader has to know how to motivate people, to appreciate an effort instead of a result, to stay calm under pressure, and taking control of the situation when everything went wrong. A good leader must be able to lead himself, and then show us the way into the light.

Well, apart from that, just because someone is not a good leader (yet), it doesn’t automatically means that one is a bad person (the same thing goes for followers). You could be such a loveable person without having to become a good leader. Really.
It takes time (and “patience”, everyone! *note*) to be a good leader.

So, it’s OK if you can’t really lead, or can’t really follow. At least we could try not to become a pain in the ass for others. Hmm, to be honest, sometimes I become a pain in the ass for others :p –especially when I’m not feeling well, hehehe (so please forgive me, fellows … !!!).

To wrapped it up, I came up with a conclusion … that being unhappy & unhealthy at the same time is such a dangerous combination! Trust me. I’ve been there … at that particular time you won’t be able to follow. To lead? In your dream!!!

I hated you because you’ve never asked me out on a date, for a romantic candle light dinner. Instead, you asked me to accompany you eating cheap meals from street-vendors’ tents. I hated you because you’ve never mad at me if I didn’t call you or if I was missing for a day or two; cause you yelled at your girls in anger if you called them and they didn’t answer. I hated you because you’ve never given me something romantic, like flowers or chocolates. I could not count how many times have I accompanied you to buy some romantic gifts for your girls.

I hated you because you didn’t throw a love letter to my desk during classes. Instead, you threw some gross tissue paper to tease me. I hated you because you’ve never asked me to skip class, because you used to do this to spend more times with your girls, cuddling, hugging, kissing … I hated you because you’ve never threatened or punched those guys with whom I went out. You used to do those things when a guy went out with a girl you had a crush on.

I hated you because you’ve never asked me out for clubbing, while you used to take your girls out until dawn. I hated you because you’ve never had an argument with me in front of everyone. You used to fight and quarrel with the girl you loved in front of public. I hated you because you’ve never asked me to sleep over at your place, because you slept with all your girlfriends. I hated you because you’ve never slapped me or hit me; since your girlfriends got this “treatment” every once and a while.

There were times when I envied those girls who were having a relationship with you. Of course, I was really young and stupid back then, hating you for all the things you’ve never done to me.

But as I grew older, I do realize that I am so lucky … and now, I LOVE YOU for all the things you’ve never done to me!

Thanks for not asking me to be your girlfriend!

How fool … ! I thought THE SWEETEST DAY really exist … !

Probably Italians celebrate it on Oct 14th; I thought. Because on that particular day, Matteo sent me something “sweet, rich, dark, and simply irresistible”: CHOCOLATE … hahaha … what else do you expect? ;p Along with it, he sent me a note saying HAPPY SWEETEST DAY!

Doh, I thought there IS such a celebration in Italy. But when I asked him about it … NO!!! Hahaha, he told me that he made it up … there’s no SWEETEST DAY, either in Italy or anywhere else! “But isn’t it cute if there was such thing as SWEETEST DAY?”, so he said.

Hmm,
Should we celebrate SWEETEST DAY? What should we do during SWEETEST DAY?
Well, OK, let’s see. I imagine that SWEETEST DAY has everything to do with sweets of all kinds. Chocolate, ice cream, candies, lollypops, marshmallows, and of course cotton candies (I just love those pink fluffy stuff). Should we eat something sweet with the sweetest person in our lives? Or send something sweet to these people? Should we wrote a letter to the sweetest person in our lives, tell them the reason why we chose them as our sweetest person, and thanking them for being one?

So sweet!!! SWEETEST DAY could be my favorite day, then! :p

Came to think about it, I guess everyone should be given a freedom to choose for themselves. It’s up to each and everyone of you to celebrate SWEETEST DAY in a certain date, or a certain month–based on your preferences (or probably based on your past memories … hehehe).

When will I celebrate my SWEETEST DAY? Uhm, probably on the 1st of November (based on personal reason, that is ;p) When will you celebrate your SWEETEST DAY? And what will you do on this particular day?