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A Lesson to Step Back and Look Around

After I finished Sanderson’s Mistborn (the first book in the series) during a vacation, I went to the bookshop one Saturday to pick up the second and third books in the Mistborn trilogy. I have been in my Sanderson’s bubble for a while now since I watched his lectures about Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy at Brigham Young University, and I think I’ll be spending more time cuddling up with his books for the rest of the year!

I stepped into the bookshop confidently and enthusiastically, climbing the stairs to the first floor, where they have the Sci-Fi and Fantasy bookshelves—and stopped in front of the shelves where Sanderson’s should be displayed. It was supposed to be where I found them a month ago when I got my first Mistborn book, right? Wait. Why I couldn’t see anything from Sanderson? I took a deep breath and tried again. Maybe I was too excited. I scanned the shelves of writers… P, Q, R, S… yes, these are the fantasy authors with “S”. Schwab. Shannon. Smith. But no Sanderson? It couldn’t be right. I started again, further this time, just to be sure, from L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S…

I frowned. What happened? Why there was no Sanderson? Did they take his books out of the display? Was it because they are all sold out? Did they move it to the bottom rack? (I squatted and checked the hidden bottom rack, but found nothing). Did they not display it because they are some “old” series? Maybe the bookshop didn’t have enough display space, so perhaps they had them at their storage instead? This was quite strange because Sanderson was a big name in this genre. My thoughts were filled with questions, confusion, and speculations…

I stood there again, my eyes never leaving the racks—from top to bottom, left to right. I couldn’t be mistaken. I didn’t skip any lines or rows; the books were just not there. I gave myself another 10 minutes scanning the racks, then decided it might be time to give up, found a staff, and asked away. I sighed and turned around to wave a staff when I caught a separate rack called “SANDERSHELF”—full of Sanderson’s books! The rack was just there—right behind my back all these times, as I was desperately looking at his books on the colossal shelf where his books were previously displayed.

The staff, apparently, has moved all his books from the Sci-Fi and Fantasy rack and created a new shelf specifically for Sanderson’s books! I didn’t see or notice it because I was sure the books should be in the Sci-Fi and Fantasy rack as before. I was too fixated on finding the books there to even consider turning or walking around to see if I could find the book somewhere else (right behind my back, for instance).

I snatched the second and third Mistborn books immediately as if they would disappear otherwise, paid, and went to the small cafe inside the bookshop to have my mango smoothie. As I sat there, ready to flip the first page of the Well of Ascension book, it dawned on me.

Sometimes, we become so fixated on what’s right in front of us that we lose sight of anything else. We pour all our thoughts and energy into a single pursuit or problem, desperately trying to change or find something, only to grow increasingly frustrated and tempted to give up. It’s easy to feel disappointed and overwhelmed, convinced that the solution is right there… where we thought it would be, but somehow out of reach.

But perhaps what we truly need is to shift our gaze from what’s in front of us; to step back and look around with fresh eyes. By taking our gaze off and broadening our perspective, we may be surprised to discover that the answers we seek have been there all along, waiting patiently for us to notice them.

The world is vast and full of wonder, and sometimes, the most extraordinary breakthroughs come not from a laser-focused determination and struggle but from a willingness to pause, reflect, and see the landscape in a new light. So, the next time you find yourself consumed by a seemingly insurmountable challenge, you may want to take a deep breath, look around, and trust that the path forward may reveal itself when you least expect it. Because sometimes, you may find that what you seek has been waiting for you—right behind your back.

Photo by Darwin Vegher on Unsplash
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Note-to-Self: Journaling about Hurtful Words

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There’s one thing I re-learned this month:

In our daily interactions, it is essential to remember that what people do or say is often a reflection of themselves – their thoughts, beliefs, fears, and life experiences. For me, reminding myself about this allows me not to take things too personally (at least, not as much as I did in previous years).

It was still a slippery slope.

Sometimes, someone’s words can still hurt me so much that this knowledge doesn’t make me immune to the pain. However, these days, I made a conscious effort to bounce back, to be disciplined with my thoughts by not indulging myself in replaying the hurtful interactions word by word—or to take a pause and breathe, and do something cathartic to stop myself from fueling the fire.

It was funny, right?

The way we could still remember hurtful words someone said to us 10, 20, 30 years ago, and how we carried that within us until today—making us doubt ourselves or beating ourselves up because of that—when the person who said these words might not remember anything about it anymore. These days, I am learning to let go of this burden of thinking that I should be carrying those words. I realize I have the power not to listen, internalize things, or believe that everyone’s comments have the same weight or should be treated with the same attentiveness and care.

I understand that everyone, including myself, is grappling with their shadows and demons. And sometimes, these internal struggles manifest as projections onto others. I am also guilty of these at times, especially when I wasn’t at my best.

When I sit down to write about my fears, worries, and belief systems, as well as the things I love and hold dear to my heart, I can better grasp how they influence how I think, act, speak, and treat others. I also recognize the power of cultivating self-love in shaping our thoughts, actions, and words.

Reminding myself that everyone is dealing with their own shadows and demons (including ourselves), allows me to approach things with more empathy and compassion. I understand that sometimes we project our insecurities onto others without even realizing it, so what people say or do does not reflect our worth or value.

These days, when I hear something someone said that hurts me, I will sit down and ask myself three questions:

  1. If I am filled with love, joy, kindness, fulfillment, and contentment, will these words/interactions still hurt me? Which of my fears, beliefs, values, or insecurities were triggered?
  2. Would I say those things to others if I am filled with love, joy, kindness, fulfillment, and contentment? Is there a way I can reframe/say it again in a kind, compassionate way—or is it better for me to say nothing at all?
  3. Can I take anything from those words/interactions that will support my growth to be the version of myself I have always envisioned?
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How We (Tend to) Remember People

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I read Karen Russel’s short story “Ava Wrestles the Alligator” a few years ago in her short story collection, St. Lucy’s Home for Girls Raised by Wolves.

Although the story itself was full of magic and metaphors—an alligator theme park, a ‘ghost’ boyfriend, a Bird Man, a swamp prom, and a gecko crown, there was one sentence that popped up in my mind from time to time even when I wasn’t thinking about this story in particular.

It was a sentence written by Ossie—Ava’s sister—in her letter to Ava: “Sorry, Ava, I have the sound of more words, but I could not remember the shapes of the letters.”

The sentence made me pause. I reread it. Again. Again. And it was just becoming more beautiful each time. It encapsulated so many things I could not explain. It gave me this funny feeling in my stomach, the one you have when you are about to ride a roller coaster. I was mesmerized by that sentence.

I picked up the story again this weekend, and as I read it, I found the little details about that story I had forgotten—until I stumbled upon that sentence once again. It was still beautiful. It still took my breath away. And I know that in years to come, even when the story has faded from my memories—everything blurs with other short stories I have read and loved—I will still remember this one sentence.

Perhaps, this is how we remember people.

We tend to shape our memories of them based on the limited time we spend with them—and our memories of them, over time, will be replaced with one single word, one single interaction, or one single feeling. We may never truly understand that person in their entirety or remember everything this person has said and done—only the ones that somehow resonate with us at a particular moment, something we choose to compartmentalize.

Something we choose to remember.

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An Appreciation of the Old: Year-End Journaling Prompts

a woman stepping away

I think most of us are naturally excited about the idea of anything new. It’s shiny. It’s fresh. It’s a new beginning, a clean slate. We’re in love with opportunities, possibilities, things that have yet to materialize. A dream, a hope, a longing for something in the future. We always prepare ourselves best for our next hello, but I think we’re not so good at preparing ourselves to say goodbye.

Maybe because anything ‘old’ doesn’t seem that inviting, that promising, that exciting. It represents everything that has happened, the known, things that we couldn’t change. But I believe the ‘old’—as are goodbyes, has its own charm. I look at it like a family trinket, an antique shop, a vintage market. There are precious things in there, attracting you and your eyes only—if only you know where to look. Things that can be appreciated only by you and may look utterly useless to anyone else.

So while the world is already abuzz with New Year planning and excitement, here I am: reminiscing the old, another year that has passed.

Before thinking about the ‘next’ year, I usually take the time to think about ‘this’ year. I feel the need to close this year officially, which in an office setting may resemble an annual report. I feel like I need to give proper respect to this year and the old me. Because to know what to do ‘later on’, I need to understand what ‘now’ is like—and what ‘yesterday’ had been. Only then can I feel more capable of making an informed decision for planning my upcoming year.

Here are some journaling prompts I use to reflect on my year and to wrap it up with awareness, mindfulness, appreciation, and gratitude:

1.
What are some of the beautiful memories/moments from this year that I’d like to keep and cherish?

2.
Who are the people that are present in my life, who have helped, supported, and challenged me so I can grow into myself even more?

3.
What are some of the obstacles/difficult situations I have overcome this year?

4.
In which way have I been treating myself more lovingly and respectfully this year?

5.
What are some of the things I’ve learned this year—whether it’s something practical or something philosophical?

6.
Which areas of my life are doing pretty well this year? Which areas aren’t? Why?

7.
Looking back, what are the things I’d like to do less and the things I’d like to do more?

8.
If I could sum up my 2022 in one word, what would it be? What seems to be the central theme of my 2022?

I believe the ‘old’ can give us a lot to think about. What are our patterns? What has failed and why? Are we repeating the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result next time?

I like to think that the future, the past, and the present are connected to one another, and in many ways, they are present simultaneously: in us—and the way we see ourselves, others, and the world, every single day.

wishing you a wonderful goodbye to 2022,

hanny
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What I Learned in 2022

This year, I learned to accept the days when I don’t feel motivated, tired, or a bit grumpy.

I learned to allow myself to sit with this feeling instead of feeling guilty about it and forcing myself to be productive, socialize, or just get things done. I gave myself permission to just rest, take a long nap, stare at the window, or listen to Owl City’s old albums on repeat. I focused on befriending these feelings and being patient with them, like a lover trying to win the hearts of their loved ones. I knew that these feelings would eventually pass if I allowed myself to sit through them, but these feelings would stay longer if I decided to fight them aggressively. I knew that when these feelings passed, I would have that urge to do, to create, to produce… until the urge dissipated. It’s like an ebb and flow. It’s natural.

This year, I learned to better express my feelings and have difficult or uncomfortable but important conversations with the people around me.

I learned to tell people when I feel hurt or disappointed; I learned to say what I want and need instead of being passive-aggressive about it. I learned to ask for what I think I deserve and feel okay with hearing whatever answer I might get. I learned that it’s okay for me to believe that I deserve better, and just because the other party disagrees, that doesn’t mean they are wrong but also doesn’t mean that I deserve less. I learned to let go of the need to help and be available all the time for everyone because this is impossible. I learned that it was okay if I was not the heroine in the story because every character—no matter how minor—has a function to move the story forward. I allowed myself to admit when I do not have the energy, mental space, or resources to help someone and not feel guilty about it.

This year, I learned not to be conditional in my action.

I learned that I can still choose to be kind, to do my best, to contribute, or to trust, even when it seems like others are not putting in the same effort. I learned that I need to give or do something because I want to, because it feels right, not to expect anything in return or to be perceived a certain way. I learned that at the end of the day, it’s not about what others do or don’t do. It’s about what I would do if I love and respect myself—and what I would do if I love and respect others. It’s not only about how I am perceived by others but also (more importantly) about how I perceive myself. Because at the end of the day, that is what really matters. 

What are some of the life lessons you learned in 2022?

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Rest Is a Right, Not a Reward

Jackie Homan wrote an article for @taketinytrips, ‘Rest Is a Right, Not a Reward for Productivity’. I think it’s an excellent article to read, especially if you often find yourself feeling guilty about taking some time to rest or if you’re relaxing after a ‘productive’ day and think ‘aah-I-deserve-this.’

“We all need rest, not because it makes us more productive at our jobs, but because it makes us happier, healthier, more well-rounded people,” wrote Homan.

Naiylah Warren, a staff therapist, said that we could also reflect on our relationship with rest and leisure by asking ourselves:

“What was I taught about leisure and rest?”
“What am I being taught about it now?”

(Those questions could definitely be exciting journaling prompts)

For instance, I remembered being called lazy and useless when I was resting (lying in bed, reading novels, listening to the radio) after school/after studying as a child; of how I was told that if I had enough time to ‘rest’ I should’ve had time to help out with house chores or to continue studying other subjects.

I remembered how it filled me up with so much guilt like I only deserve rest when I no longer have the energy to do anything else.

I realized I internalized these words and thought that I should be (or look) busy, that having spare time was something alerting or… wrong.

At school, when we had a 1-hour exam and I had finished answering and checking all the questions in 20 minutes, I would pretend that I was still thinking or working on it until 5 minutes before the time was up, because, well… what would people say if I handed over my exam in 20 minutes and what should I do in the remaining 40 minutes?

Now I realize that this is ridiculous, but, yes, having ‘spare time’ used to stress me out.

However, as a staff therapist, Naiylah Warren said, “Just as we need food, water, or connection, we also need rest. Rest is not a hobby, it is a biological need, and when we embrace that perspective, it can help us release the guilt or shame we feel when we attempt to engage with it.”

Here are some journaling prompts if you’d like to spend some time writing about it:

  • How was/is my relationship to rest and leisure?
  • Do I feel guilty if I am resting, taking a break, or on vacation? Why?
  • How did my family or community view rest and leisure? What was my experience with rest and leisure back then? How was their approach influence mine?
  • How do rest and leisure contribute to my mood, well-being, and general contentment in life?
  • What kind of feelings and benefits would I like to have from a healthier approach to rest and leisure?
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A Not-So-Comfy Self-Care Journaling Prompts

*) It may not be the cozy-and-comfy self-care journaling prompts you are expecting…

I used to think that self-care means taking the time to do the things that will make you feel good. However, lately, I realized lately that self-care is not only about doing things that will make you feel good; but also about doing things that are good for you; even when initially, they don’t feel good.

Self-care is not always rainbows and marshmallows. At times, taking good care of ourselves can feel uncomfortable, difficult, and challenging. Here are some of my go-to journaling prompts for self-care:

1. WHAT AM I RESENTFUL OF AND HOW CAN I LET IT GO?

Do you feel like you hate something, or hold a grudge against someone? Is there a situation that makes you feel bad, stressed out, or agitated? Is there anything you can do to let it go, even if only a little bit? Maybe by being assertive, communicating your needs, or setting boundaries? Is it something you can or can’t change? Maybe by accepting that you can’t change someone or something?

2. WHICH AREA OF MY LIFE NEEDS A BIT OF TIDYING?

Are there specific areas of your life that feel or look a bit messy? Maybe it feels abandoned, or you haven’t been in touch with it for quite some time. Perhaps one area is too heavy and packed with too many things you have no room to breathe. How can you tidy this area of life a little bit? What can you do for 5-10 minutes a day to do a little clean-up?

3. HOW CAN I TREAT MYSELF AND OTHERS MORE KINDLY?

How have you been treating yourself? How have you been talking to yourself lately? Have you been kind and understanding, or harsh and judgmental? How have you been treating others: colleagues, friends, spouses, family members… are there more ways in which you can treat yourself and others kindly, mindfully, patiently?

4. WHICH BOUNDARIES DO I NEED TO SET? WHAT DO I NEED?

What are the things you wish you could say NO to? Why? Which part of these things you do not like—and how would it impact you in the long run if you do not set boundaries or express your needs clearly? Are there people in your life who always cross your boundaries? What makes them think it’s okay to cross your boundaries? Is there anything you can do to protect yourself, your time, and your energy?

5. WHAT HAVE I BEEN PROCRASTINATING ABOUT? WHAT IS THE ONE THING I CAN DO TODAY TO FREE UP SOME SPACE?

The things that we don’t do (but we know we need to do at some point) take up mental space in our minds. Postponing them is like piling one thing on top of another, and the more things we postpone or delay, the more burden we place onto our minds. It feels like a black cloud that follows us everywhere, hanging low above our heads.

6. DO I FEEL LIKE I AM OWING SOMETHING TO SOMEONE?

This doesn’t always mean owing money.

Maybe we feel like we owe an apology to someone we’ve hurt in the past. Maybe we feel like we owe that quality time of spending a weekend together to our spouse. Maybe we feel like we owe a thank-you to someone who has helped or contributed something meaningful to our lives.

The feeling of ‘owing’ something to someone (also to ourselves!), can weigh us down. It’s something that needs to be expressed but haven’t—and in the long run, it can make us feel guilty or regretful. The act of ‘paying what we owe’ can make us feel lighter.

Maybe you owe yourself a good rest? Nutritious food? That 45-minute exercise? An apology? Or a pat in the back?

7. WHAT WOULD I DO TODAY IF I LOVE AND RESPECT MYSELF?

This is the question I ask myself, again and again, several times a day, to remind me that self-care is not only about ‘loving’ myself but also about ‘respecting’ myself.

It’s not always about doing the things that feel (temporarily) good and easy, but also about doing the RIGHT thing for myself, even if it feels hard.

_______
Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado
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Thoughts on Minimalism + Some Journaling Prompts

Several instances (and incidents) in my life have forced me to embrace ‘minimalism.’

When I was little, and my mother and I were still living with my mother’s parents, late at night, in bed, my mother would whisper about her dreams of leaving this house, her parents, our whole family.

“What if we could move somewhere else and start a new life where nobody knows us?” she asked. “We’ll rent a small house. But because the house is tiny, we may only have a kitchen, a bathroom, a table, and a bed. You see, we can’t take everything we have to the new house. If you want to come with me, you can only pack things that you can fit into your school bag. Okay? Think carefully about what you are going to carry with you.”

As a child of eight or nine years old, it sounded like an adventure.

In my mind, all day long, I packed and unpacked my school bag with all the things I would want to carry with me (mostly my favorite novels, pens, and some stationery items). Around the house, I noticed more and more things I wouldn’t mind leaving behind. Every day, I was preparing myself for the night when my mother would tell me that this was the night when we were going to start a new life.

I have rehearsed the ‘fitting-your-life-into-a-backpack’ scenario my whole life.

Around twenty years later, when my mother passed away while I was abroad, I came home two days later realizing that sorting out ‘sentimental things’ that once belonged to hers wasn’t exactly a problem. Upon hearing about my mother’s death, some of my aunts came over almost immediately and took away most of my mother’s belongings they deemed valuable.

My father managed to save a set of jewelry he gave my mother on their wedding day, a gold ring, and my mother’s recipe books that he handed to me. That was when I realized that I didn’t need a lot of things to remember a loved one.

During a 6-month trip to the remotest places in Indonesia on a work assignment, when I had to be constantly on the road and moving from airplanes to cars to motorbikes to boats, I somehow lost my external hard disk. It contained everything I had backed up for the last five years, from past works and portfolios to travel photos and unfinished novels. I learned to let go and move on.

When there was water leakage in my family house (that we didn’t know until it was too late), around 70% of everything I stored in my wardrobe had been ruined by fungus and moths. A few months went by, and I realized that I didn’t need to replace most of them.

When I got married and needed to divide my time between my family house in Bogor, our house in Amsterdam, our second base in Ubud, and my husband’s hometown in Albiate, I got better at fitting all my life into a suitcase: a combination of stuff that would still allow me to work and have fun doing what I love for the next three or four months, from wherever I am.

These instances (and incidents) taught me that things do perish. They can get lost, ruined, or stolen. I know that I can survive and live a good life without the things I have lost or the things I never have. I have learned not to attach too much value to the things I own (or even the people in my life). I don’t open my heart (or purse) to things or people without first reminding myself that I may lose them at any point in my life.

***

I don’t like calling myself a minimalist (partly because I don’t feel like one, yet, and partly because of what most people may assume when they hear the word), but I’d like to say that I am embracing minimalism and being more mindful with my consumption.

In their blog, ‘The Minimalists’ Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus explained their view on minimalism:

At first glance, people might think the point of minimalism is only to get rid of material possessions: Eliminating. Jettisoning. Extracting. Detaching. Decluttering. Paring down. Letting go. But that’s a mistake. True, removing the excess is an important part of the recipe—but it’s just one ingredient. If we’re concerned solely with the stuff, we’re missing the larger point. Minimalists don’t focus on having less, less, less. We focus on making room for more: more time, more peace, more creativity, more experiences, more contribution, more contentment, more freedom. Clearing the clutter frees up the space. Minimalism is the thing that gets us past the things so we can make room for life’s important things—which aren’t things at all.

The Minimalist

***

This month, Mirha invited me to join in as a guest at The Knitting Club—where we talked about the book Essential: Essays by The Minimalists. I wrote down some of my takeouts and thoughts below:

1. KNOW OUR WHY

It is essential to know why we’d like to be minimalists or to embrace minimalism. Is it because we feel suffocated living in a house that is so full of things? Is it because we spend so much money buying things we do not need? Is it because we want to save more money? Is it because we realize that we have five scissors in the house?

I think, first and foremost, we need to be clear about what doesn’t feel right in our lives:

  • What feels excessive and unnecessary?
  • What feels like a burden (physically, emotionally, financially)?
  • What are some of the problems I am facing?

Then, ask ourselves if minimalism can be the answer—or part of the answer—and how. Because minimalism is not a magic pill. It may not be the answer to our problems, and that is okay, too. We just need to know what we need at a particular time and honor that.

In that case, before even decluttering our wardrobe or throwing away stuff, always ask ourselves several times: why am I doing this? How will it help me to do more of the things I want to do and be more of the person I want to be?

2. IT’S A PERSONAL JOURNEY

Some people may feel happy, content, and productive by being a maximalist, so who are we to tell them otherwise?

Minimalism is a personal journey, and it can look different for everyone. It’s not about comparing how little we spend, how empty is our wardrobe, and how small is our house. If minimalism solves some of our problems and can help us to live a better life, that’s great. But if someone we know is a maximalist, or doesn’t feel like minimalism can be beneficial for them, let’s also honor that.

Embracing minimalism doesn’t make us better or less than. It’s our personal journey and our personal choice. If people are attracted to how we live and would like to seek some advice or perspective, that’s great. If they don’t, that’s okay, too.

3. ON MINDFUL CONSUMPTION

I believe that it’s not about not consuming at all, but more about consuming with purpose (why do I want/need this), purchasing pre-loved items instead of new ones when possible, or even consuming without regret and with so much gratefulness (I am so happy with this purchase, it’s something I will cherish all my life!).

On another note, although we may feel like we have stopped buying things compulsively, or don’t go on a shopping spree during Black Friday, I think we also need to check if we are consuming less material things to consume more immaterial things (which is something I am still struggling with). Basically, it’s like replacing one addiction with another.

Here’s a question for reflection: What am I still consuming excessively and why?

For instance, I am still consuming a lot of entertainment (movies, social media, books) and education (online courses, workshops, talks, self-help books). Although it can seem harmless (what’s wrong with educating yourself?), I realized that this obsessive tendency to keep on learning and deepening my knowledge on certain topics has to do with my self-esteem. I feel like I am not good enough or I don’t know enough, so I need to learn more before I can do, create, or share anything.

So, even though we have gotten rid of the material things and bought fewer things, we may still ‘hoard’ other things: memories, feelings, skills, knowledge, money, sermons, unrealized plans… as we discussed earlier, well, it’s a journey. A long journey. For me, this month, I start asking myself how much time I spent consuming and how much time I spent creating/sharing—just to see if I can be more mindful with that.

4. THE IMPORTANCE OF UNLEARNING

Which brought me to the next important takeout: unlearning.

Most of us associate learning with self-development, self-improvement, or even life/career progression. We feel like the path of learning is the right path to take on whenever we feel stuck in life. Probably it’s because we’re so used to it. Most of the time, we are judged or evaluated based on what we’ve learned.

As children, we are praised when we learn something new, or master a new skill.

As adults, in a professional setting, we are encouraged to keep learning and improve our knowledge. During our performance evaluation, for instance, our supervisor may ask something like, “What have you learned this year? What have you learned in this role or on this particular project? Have you learned something new about our industry?”

Sure, learning does hold such an important role in our self-development, self-improvement, or life/career progression. However, what if it is not the only path to get there? What if the path of unlearning is underrated? What are things we have been taught and internalized that actually work against us, or no longer serve us? 

That habit of procrastinating.
That perfectionism.
That belief that we’re not good enough.
That saying that money is the root of all evil.
That tendency to judge people, to assume the worst, to be so hard on ourselves.
That conditioning of attaching our self-worth with our career or financial status.

What are the things we need to unlearn to live a better life and become a better person?

5. FINDING THE SWEET SPOT

Initially, we may want to embrace minimalism because we believe that it will make our lives better; that it will make us a better person. I think that is why it’s essential to ask ourselves THE WHY before embracing the journey. 

Why do I want to do this and how will it make my life better? How may it improve my relationship with friends and families? How can it allow me to live a more meaningful life?

The answer, I think, can serve as a compass to help us navigate our minimalism journey and find the sweet spot when we interact with other people in our lives who may have different beliefs or perspectives.

For instance, at this time of the year, with Christmas and New Year approaching, we’re entering the season of gift-giving. It has become such a cherished tradition in most families that it may cause a dramatic stir when we said we don’t want to give or receive gifts due to being minimalists.

I think in such a case, it’s important to find the sweet spot by asking ourselves, “Is this battle worth fighting? Will winning this battle make my life better, happier, and more meaningful? Will winning this battle improve my relationship with the people around me? Is there another option here?”

When our friends or families insist and it feels too harsh to stop gift-giving altogether, we can tell them the things we would appreciate receiving (“Can you donate to this cause under my name?”) and we can also ask them the things they would love to receive in return. We can ask them to create a wish list—to make sure that we are gifting them the things they have always wanted. We can gift an experience we know they’d enjoy—like an hour at the spa, or a half-day wine tasting. We can also bring them some food they have always wanted to try, or a bottle of wine if they love a good one.

During those instances when someone happens to gift me things I don’t need or like, I remind myself that this gift comes with love and good intention—so I thank both the person and the intention, knowing that I can always donate or offer it to people who may want, need, or like it.

***

Here are a few journaling prompts if you’re considering embracing minimalism:

  1. Which part of minimalism looks interesting/attractive to me?
  2. Why do I want to embrace minimalism?
  3. How do I think it will help solve my problems or help me live a better, more meaningful life?
  4. What feels excessive in my life at the moment?
  5. What are some of the things in my possessions that I feel so strongly attached to? Why? What does it represent? What if I lose those things one day?
  6. What are some of the material things I want to have? (you can create a list of things)
  7. How would I feel if I have those things right now?
  8. How would my life be better or more meaningful by having those things? Which problems will those things solve?
  9. How would my daily life look like if I already have those things? What would I do throughout my day?
  10. Can I actually do some of those things right now even without having/possessing those material things?
  11. What are three of the most beautiful memories or meaningful experiences in my life? Why are these moments beautiful or meaningful to me?
  12. What do I want to do less, feel less, hear less, see less, talk about less?
  13. What do I want to do more, feel more, hear more, see more, talk about more?
  14. What are the three adjectives I would choose to describe my ideal life, a life I aspire to live/experience?
  15. If I need to pack my life into a suitcase and I have to live out of that suitcase for one year, what will I carry with me?
 
What’s your take on minimalism? Are you embracing minimalism in your life? What are some of the challenges you’ve been facing? Do you have some lessons about embracing minimalism that you can share?
hanny
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How to Be Consistent with Journaling?

I get this question a lot, in varying degrees. 

Sometimes, it can also come up as:

  • How can I develop journaling as a habit?
  • How can I journal every day?
  • How can I find the time to journal?

To answer these questions, I believe it’s essential for us to know these three things:

1. DEFINING OUR EXPECTATIONS

What do we expect from developing a journaling habit? What kind of changes or improvements would we like to see once we are journaling consistently? How would our journaling practice help or benefit us?

Answering these questions will help us to understand what we need from our journaling practice. 

For example, do we expect journaling to allow us to be more creative? To keep memories or life lessons? To resolve issues? To express or process emotions? To organize our thoughts? 

Knowing what we would like to experience from our journaling practice—and the benefit we may get from it—will help us find the time and motivation to do our journaling practice. 

We will want to be consistent with our journaling practice if we know that it will be rewarding—whatever that ‘reward’ may look or feel like.

2. MAKING IT FEEL GOOD

My favorite yoga teacher, Adriene Mishler, always encourages her students/viewers to find ‘what feels good’ while doing their yoga practice. 

The same goes for journaling. 

Journaling can feel hard when we’re comparing our journaling process, our frequency of journaling, or our journal, with others.

Because someone writes three journal pages every morning, we think we need to do that, too. 

Because someone posts aesthetic journal pages decorated with washi tapes and collages, we think our journal pages also need to look like that. 

Because someone is adopting the bullet journal technique, we think we need to start doing that, too.

To be consistent with our journaling habits, we need to focus on our own expectations and find what feels good—for us. 

Thus, ask ourselves:

  • What feels kind, enjoyable and comforting? 
  • What makes journaling feels light and breezy?
  • What works?

When journaling feels heavy, takes too much time, or gives us too much hassle, it is no wonder if we find it challenging to be consistent with our practice.

3. JOURNALING WITH KINDNESS

With everything that is going on in our lives at the moment, how much time can we spare for our journaling practice—that wouldn’t feel like a burden?

One minute per day will do. Three minutes per week will do. Thirty minutes per month will do. Writing in our journal every morning is great. Writing every other day is great. Writing every other week is also great. 

Treat our journal as a kind and friendly companion. Know that our journal is patient and non-judgemental. 

If we break our journaling habit or have a falling-out for a month or two, it’s okay. We can always get back to it: we can always pick up our journal and our favorite pen, and we can always start again where we left off.

Release the guilt from not being able to show up for our journaling practice. 

Instead, celebrate every time we sit down on our desk, on a train, in the waiting room, at a cafe, on a park bench—simply writing our heart out.

***

Why do you journal or keep a journaling practice?

How does your practice look like?

What works for you?

hanny
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Hanny illustrator
Hi. I'm HANNY
I am an Indonesian writer/artist/illustrator and stationery web shop owner (Cafe Analog) based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I love facilitating writing/creative workshops and retreats, especially when they are tied to self-exploration and self-expression. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting life—one word at a time.

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