I hated you because you’ve never asked me out on a date, for a romantic candle light dinner. Instead, you asked me to accompany you eating cheap meals from street-vendors’ tents. I hated you because you’ve never mad at me if I didn’t call you or if I was missing for a day or two; cause you yelled at your girls in anger if you called them and they didn’t answer. I hated you because you’ve never given me something romantic, like flowers or chocolates. I could not count how many times have I accompanied you to buy some romantic gifts for your girls.

I hated you because you didn’t throw a love letter to my desk during classes. Instead, you threw some gross tissue paper to tease me. I hated you because you’ve never asked me to skip class, because you used to do this to spend more times with your girls, cuddling, hugging, kissing … I hated you because you’ve never threatened or punched those guys with whom I went out. You used to do those things when a guy went out with a girl you had a crush on.

I hated you because you’ve never asked me out for clubbing, while you used to take your girls out until dawn. I hated you because you’ve never had an argument with me in front of everyone. You used to fight and quarrel with the girl you loved in front of public. I hated you because you’ve never asked me to sleep over at your place, because you slept with all your girlfriends. I hated you because you’ve never slapped me or hit me; since your girlfriends got this “treatment” every once and a while.

There were times when I envied those girls who were having a relationship with you. Of course, I was really young and stupid back then, hating you for all the things you’ve never done to me.

But as I grew older, I do realize that I am so lucky … and now, I LOVE YOU for all the things you’ve never done to me!

Thanks for not asking me to be your girlfriend!

hanny

One Response

If you made it this, far, please say 'hi'. It really means a lot to me! :)

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Standing up for yourself does not have to look aggressive. It does not have to feel like a fight. It's not always about convincing others or explaining yourself and your decisions with the hope that everyone else understands or accepts your choice.
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This year, I learned to accept the days when I don't feel motivated, tired, or a bit grumpy. I learned to allow myself to sit with this feeling instead of feeling guilty about it and forcing myself to be productive, socialize, or just get things done.
Hanny illustrator
Hi. I'm HANNY
I am an Indonesian writer and an artist/illustrator based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I love facilitating writing/creative workshops and retreats, especially when they are tied to self-exploration and self-expression. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting life—one word at a time.

hanny

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