DIGITAL NOMAD LIFESTYLE: CAN THE HYPE BE JUSTIFIED?

Is this so-called lifestyle overrated? Possibly.

I think there’s a certain debonair feeling attached to the idea of being a digital nomad. Being able to work from ‘anywhere in the world’ sounds fun, young, adventurous, and carefree. But is it? Or have we seen things from a rose-tinted glass? Glamorizing and romanticizing a particular kind of lifestyle that, we believe, would make our lives better, happier, and richer?

About four years into being a location-independent creative consultant/writer, I noticed that ‘The Lifestyle’ has been strongly associated with the idea of embracing freedom, endless traveling, and making money out of the Internet (including your blog, YouTube, or Instagram).

Most recent graduates I talked to are curious about how they, too, can adopt this lifestyle. Being able to work-from-anywhere has become their ultimate life goal (that, and being in a relationship). Some of the most recurring questions I got from time to time include:

How can I get paid to travel? 

How can I find a job that will allow me to work from anywhere? 

How can I be an ‘online influencer’?

Or for those who are already employed:

Should I quit my job to travel and be a digital nomad instead?

At some point, as these questions started coming in more frequently, I began to think that maybe (just maybe), there have been some misconceptions about this location-independent lifestyle and being a digital nomad. And maybe (just maybe), I can give another perspective to the many layers of this lifestyle based on my own experience.

But before we begin, let’s make sure that we’re on the same page.

Photo by Adam Wilson on Unsplash

Here is what Wikipedia says about being a digital nomad:

Digital nomads are a type of people who use telecommunications technologies to earn a living and, more generally, conduct their lives in a nomadic manner.

Here is what Daniele said about being location-independent:

To be location independent is not about having the freedom to travel, but the freedom to be anywhere you want (or, most importantly, NEED) to be.

With these being said, if you know someone who wants to adopt the digital nomad lifestyle, or has always been aspired to build a location-independent career, feel free to share this post with them.

***

1. WHY DO YOU WANT TO WORK FROM ANYWHERE?

Do you have the need/urge to do remote work, be a digital nomad, or be location-independent? Or do you merely want the freedom to travel more or longer?

I think this is the first question that you need to ask yourself. Do you want to adopt this lifestyle only because seemingly it will give you more chance and freedom to travel—or because you have the need or the urge to do it?

There are two reasons why I’m now working as a location-independent consultant/writer.

First, after my mother passed away a few years ago, my father lives in our family house all by himself. I want to have the freedom to be with him whenever I could; or should. For instance, when he got hospitalized for a few days and had to go for a series of physiotherapy last year, being location-independent allows me to be with him when needed: preparing healthy food, accompanying him to the therapy unit, and looking after his day-to-day progress for about two months.

I could imagine how stressful it would be if I were still working full-time in a corporation. Of course, I could apply for leave, but what if workloads were crazy, or if my teammates were also on holiday? What if I would still need to commute now and then to meet clients? And is it even possible for me to take a 2-month leave without feeling (or looking) bad? I don’t know.

But being location-independent allows me to be where I need to be. It gives me more flexibility to focus on what’s important or urgent at certain moments in life.

Second, after working for more than eight years in a communications consultancy (which I loved), I started to ask where it would lead me to. My last position was the Creative Director—a post I had been dreaming of since I was still in college. So, it was only natural for me to ask, where could I go from here? What would my career ladder look like from this point onwards? Where would I be if I continue this career of choice for another 5, 10, 15 years?

I could dream of something like a Managing Director, Vice President, Regional Director of a global communications agency, or maybe an owner of my own communications consultancy or creative agency. If everything goes well (and smooth), that’s how my career ladder would finally progress.

Then, I realized one thing: I don’t want them.

The images of those positions and possibilities do not excite me. The idea of managing hundreds of people or owning a successful agency is not something that amuses me.

I merely want to create things. I want to come up with excellent write-ups or meaningful stories. I want to tell stories that matter and to do something kind. I want to teach, to share the things and skills I’ve learned throughout the years. I want to do this based on my values, my interests, and the things I believe in—together with people I like and respect.

I decided to quit my job so I can do more of the things I have always wanted to do. Being independent also gives me more opportunities to work with smaller companies, individual clients, or NGOs, that could not afford to work with big consultancies.

These are my two reasons for choosing the location-independent lifestyle. What about you? What are your reasons? What are your whys? Do you have other reasons apart from wanting to travel more?

2. DO YOU SEE TRAVELING AS A BIG PART OF REMOTE WORKING?

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Which one do you want? To work remotely and be location-independent, make a career out of traveling, or do anything as long as you can finance your travel?

Quite a lot of people I talked to would mention ‘traveling’ when asked about remote-working, being location-independent, or being a digital nomad. However, the truth is this: being location-independent or being able to work anywhere, does not mean that you have to travel regularly. You don’t. This also doesn’t mean that you have to do things that are related to traveling, like being a travel agent, travel photographer, travel writer, or travel blogger.

We’ve mentioned digital nomads before. According to the Wikipedia entry, they are the ones who live their lives in a more or less nomadic manner. They like to move from one place to the next while making a living through the Internet.

True, some digital nomads are travel bloggers or have travel-related work, but some also do other types of work that can be done as long as there’s an Internet connection. There are therapists, developers, designers, accountants, consultants, teachers, psychologists, business owners, entrepreneurs, start-up founders, personal assistants, and many more. The possibility is endless.

Being a digital nomad also doesn’t mean that you have to be a freelancer or own a business.

Many digital nomads are employed by a corporation or an organization that allows them to work remotely. Some require them to go back to their headquarters a few times a year, some don’t—but these people are more or less free to work from ‘anywhere’. Based on how good you are, the nature of your work, and the flexibility of your company or organization, remote-working can always be an option to be discussed.

On another hand, there are people who adopt a location-independent lifestyle. They might not travel or move around so much, but if they want to, they can work from ‘anywhere’ they like. For some, this means working from home or a cafe. For some, this means working from a co-working space in a foreign country, a bus station, or a secluded beach (but seriously, working with your laptop by the beach under the hot sun IS NOT nice—plus, where is the charger?).

So the idea is more on the ability to work from wherever you need or want to, not on the traveling part.

Some people are not only looking into being a digital nomad or being location independent. Some truly want to make a career out of traveling because it’s something they love or are good at. This is where all those travel-related jobs come into the picture.

Some others just want to travel—and are willing to do any work that can help to finance their travel. For instance, you’ll meet some people who do volunteer work abroad in exchange for food and accommodation. Some work as bartenders, hostel cleaners, or fruit pickers to get some money in between their travel destinations to support themselves. (I am not going to discuss the issue of legality here).

The question would be, which one do you want?

3. DO YOU HAVE THE MEANS TO SUPPORT YOURSELF?

digital nomad

Do you know the risks of choosing this lifestyle? Do you have enough savings and skills to start doing this? Do you have the right attitude to approach the lifestyle? Do you have a plan? Do you have a backup plan?

If you want to be a digital nomad or simply be location-independent (where you can work from ‘anywhere’) there’s one thing we need to clarify: before talking about being able to work from ‘anywhere’, first, you need to make sure that you CAN work, from wherever you are.

The thing is, as fun as it seems, being a digital nomad or being location-independent is not about beautiful Instagram pictures or slouching in bed with nighties and watching Netflix at 11 AM. Sure, it’s part of the deal—maybe 10% of the time if you’re lucky (or if you are an Instagram celebrity). The other 90% is similar to any typical working-class out there: work, peeking into your savings account, thinking about how to pay your bills, handling complaints, fixing problems, improving your skills and systems, and more work.

If you’re a freelancer, add up to this list more time, work, and energy to find clients, send offers or proposals, and go out networking to let people know that you (and your products/services) exist.

So, on the bottom line, this lifestyle is still about work. The question is not about how you can adopt a location-independent lifestyle. The question is: WHAT can you DO to adopt a location-independent lifestyle?

Do you have particular skills, attitudes, networks, or work experiences that will allow you to work from wherever you like? When you are not under close supervision, can you still give your best at work? When you can be flexible with your working hour, can you be disciplined about it? When you do not have your colleagues or partners next to you to discuss or brainstorm ideas, can you manage?

Especially if you are a freelancer without a fixed monthly salary, have enough savings before transitioning into this lifestyle. I would say that the ideal amount would be at least 3-4 months of your basic needs—enough to fulfil your monthly bills and responsibilities for a while.

I don’t like it when being a digital nomad or being location-independent is associated with being a burden for someone else, being childish, reckless, careless, or selfish. It shouldn’t be.

That’s why, apart from having enough savings, you also need to create a backup plan. What will happen if, after six months or a year, a location-independent lifestyle is not something you enjoy?

Sure, if you are employed, you might be able to go back to work from your company’s headquarter. But for freelancers, this could be even more challenging. How fast do you think you can find other jobs when the clock is ticking? Do you have a well-enough reputation that people will open their doors to give you work opportunities at the time when you most needed it?

Do you have other plans if things don’t go the way you want them to be?

I transitioned into my location-independent lifestyle with the compensation I got when I left my previous company (after eight years of service) and having the company as my 1-year retainer client. This means I know that—if everything’s okay—I will be quite well-off for about a year. Plus, I will still get monthly payments from my retainer client for at least another year.

There’s nothing reckless or careless about my decision, and I think neither should yours.

4. WILL WORK-FROM-ANYWHERE IMPROVE YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE?

healthy food

How can you be a better professional or a better individual by doing this? How does it contribute to your quality of life and your career?

One of the reasons why a location-independent lifestyle suits me is because it improves the quality of different aspects of my life.

Working from home; when I am back in my family house in Bogor, enables me to spend some time with my father and my dog.

Working from Ubud—my second base when I’m in Bali, enables me easy access to beautiful views and the opportunity to live close to Nature; surrounded by a plethora of healthy and mindful stuff—from food and exercises to organic products and social activities. I can also benefit from the fact that Bali is an hour ahead of Jakarta, which means I am always 1 hour ahead of my clients. When I am up and ready at 10 AM, replying to emails or submitting some documents, office hours for my clients in Jakarta had just started.

For similar or even better quality than Jakarta, prices for memberships in co-working spaces, accommodation, as well as food and beverages are significantly lower. This means I can save more while enjoying a better quality of life in general. Although Ubud was relatively quiet, it is still quite near to big cities like Denpasar—where I can fix my gadgets or laptops when necessary.

Another reason why I choose Ubud, Bali, as my base and Hubud as my co-working space is because it provides me with a vibrant and creative ecosystem where I can meet people, discuss, collaborate, and learn some new skills from other members.

To be honest, when it comes to focused work and meeting deadlines, I love doing solitary work from my rented house. I work best alone, so I don’t work from the co-working space on a daily basis. But I still need a community of like-minded people to function.

It can be uninspiring at times when you’re always working solo. It’s important for me to bounce ideas with different people and learn about other people’s perspectives. It keeps my mind curious, intrigued, and active. It keeps me up-to-date with what’s happening in the world. Inspiring talks, skillshare, and events organized by co-working spaces are always fun because they provide me with ideas I could apply in my next projects—or even in my personal life.

On another note, being location-independent also enables me to provide more corporate training or workshop outside Jakarta when needed, without having to worry about travel time or having to leave ‘the office’ for too long. It also gives me more opportunities to join classes, courses, or workshops on writing or crafting, even when they happen on a weekday, during office hours.

Since I am also in a long-distance relationship, being location-independent gives me more flexibility to spend some quality time with my partner. It helps that he is also a location-independent entrepreneur, so we don’t have to rely on the number of our leave days to meet up.

So, for me, a location-independent lifestyle merely works because it improves my quality of life. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for?

For some, however, a location-independent lifestyle could—on the contrary—decrease their quality of life.

Some people could be so happy to finally be able to work from home but end up frustrated because working from home gives them too many distractions. Children are crying or seeking attention, a salesperson is knocking on the door, something spills on the kitchen floor and they just have to clean things up. Since working from home doesn’t work, they allocate some time to go out and work from a coffee shop instead, only to realize that they have spent more time and money every day on driving down to the coffee shop, buying coffee, and paying for gas and parking. These are the time and expenses they thought they wouldn’t be spending when they are working from home.

Working from “anywhere in the world” can also pose a few logistical complexities. How do you know where to get healthcare if you’re working in a completely different country for a few weeks? What about prescriptions and other must-haves that you’ve grown comfortable with? Although with the Internet we can get everything from medicine to something as random as Versace eyeglasses in just a few clicks, these problems will eventually catch up. To be honest,  some things in the world are just a lot easier when you have a stable residence: sending and receiving packages, upgrading your Internet speed, sorting stuff out with your banks, paying taxes, contacting an accountant… 

Familiarity and convenience aren’t bad things. So, just know that this can go out the window if you move to a different location to work on a regular basis.

When you’re working from another city or country, do ask yourself whether you have chosen a place that can improve your quality of life and fit your lifestyle. If being location-independent only makes you even more stressed, worrisome, and miserable, what is the point?

5. ARE YOU READY FOR THE HARD WORK?

Can you develop self-discipline and daily habits to support this lifestyle? Can you still meet your roles and responsibilities at home or at work?

Freedom can be an advantage or a disadvantage. Some things flourish when they are given a lot of freedom; others might perish. What about you? Are you ready for the hard work despite the freedom and flexibility you will have when you can work from ‘anywhere’ in the world?

Once, I was assigned to be a host on a fam trip that invited some local and international travel bloggers. For those of you who think that being a professional travel blogger is fantastic, think again. Throughout the trip, I realized that I could never be a professional travel blogger.

These travel bloggers had to stick to a too-packed itinerary, sometimes only get a 4-hour sleep before hopping on a 6-hour bus ride, then off for the second flight of the day. At each destination, they needed to take pictures, record videos, fly a drone, listen to the guide’s explanations, and write down some information for their blog post. On the bus, the boat, or the plane, they started transferring and editing their pictures and videos, because they needed to post something every single day. They had to try foods they didn’t like, visit places they were scared of, or get involved in activities they hated.

But work is work.

I, myself, instantly passed out every time I saw the hotel’s bed. I stole some sleep on the bus, the boat, or the plane whenever I could. Those travel bloggers? They worked. I was amazed at their stamina and dedication. I wouldn’t be able to do that.

I am the kind of ‘travel blogger’ who goes on a journey somewhere and write about it three years later, then taking pictures from a stock photo website because I have accidentally deleted the travel-picture folder on my laptop.

So no matter how ‘glorious’ it might seem, work is work. Hard work is hard work.

And just because you’re a digital nomad or a location-independent worker, it doesn’t mean that you can ditch your roles and responsibilities—both at home or at work. Faraway doesn’t mean non-existent. Just because you can still be in pyjamas at 11 in the morning (lazying around with a bag of chips), doesn’t mean you should. Just because now you have the freedom (and hopefully, the means) to travel anywhere and anytime you like, doesn’t mean you would.

***

Now that you have come to the end of this post, is being location-independent still sound promising to you?

I think it’s human nature to think that the grass is greener on the other side. The truth is, there are many miserable digital nomads and struggling location-independent workers around. On the contrary, some of my closest friends are thriving and having fun climbing the corporate ladder in multi-national companies.

Here’s the thing: if you can’t be happy working from where you are right now, most probably, you will find something to be unhappy about when working from anywhere else. Just make sure that you have prepared yourself and answered the five questions above truthfully before making the jump to adopt a location-independent lifestyle.

Because truly being location-independent means you are always your independent self, wherever you are.

PS: If you have more questions about being a digital nomad or a location-independent lifestyle, feel free to drop me an email here.
hanny
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We met through an online site when I was 18.

I couldn’t remember how our conversations started, but after messaging one another back and forth for quite some time, we left the site and started emailing one another more frequently.

He was around my age—at times bold and rebellious, other times mellow and deeply curious about life, and always in love with reptiles the way people are in love with a purring kitten. Our friendship flows through words and thoughts, bursts of emotions and lines of secrets, alphabets, symbols, and pictures—these were the things that form our alternate universe.

We sometimes wondered how amazing it was to keep such a long-lasting friendship with a stranger: with someone who lives in another part of the world, someone we have never even met, someone we have never even had any phone conversations with.

But ours is the kind of friendship that blooms naturally, in a genuinely platonic manner, and lasts for another 16 years after our first online encounter.

***

I don’t check my Facebook messenger unless someone sent me something there, and told me to have a look. Just like a few days ago, when I opened my messenger only to check a message left by a friend. As I hovered around to find it, my eyes caught a message from unknown contact.

Usually, I would disregard the message without opening it, but that day, somehow, I clicked it.

Hanny, we never met, but I’m T’s Mom. It is with great sadness that I have to inform you of T’s death. He left me a small list of people he cared about and wanted them to know. Again, I’m so sorry.

I needed to read this message over and over again, each time with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew what it meant, but I just couldn’t grasp the cold reality of it. I couldn’t even cry because I couldn’t digest things properly at the time.

***

T left me a message about a week before.
It was one of our casual what’s up messages.

In the middle of my workloads and hectic business trips, I decided to save my reply for the next weekend, when I would be more chill and have the time to write longer. This wasn’t something strange in our friendship.

In 16 years, there were times when T would reply to my email two months later, or I would respond to his 2-3 weeks later, and there were also times when we did not write to each other for 5-6 months altogether. Nobody would chase anybody for a reply, apart from leaving some lines like hope-all-is-good or happy-birthday or congrats-for-that-thing.

We trust.

We know that no matter how infrequent, we would always get back to one another with longer updates and replies and intense email marathons. It’s like an unwritten rule: we will always get back in touch—no matter how late.

But maybe, this time, I was late.

***

I know that T had been dealing with depression his whole life.

A month into our friendship, he told me about the things he sometimes saw or heard, and when I responded to this story with more questions and curiosity, he said I was probably the only person that didn’t label him crazy.

Probably it was this trajectory that enables us to talk about T’s depression, medication, and his ways to cope up with it openly—along with other things in our lives: like the movies we watch, the song we listen to, our passion, our dreams, our current crush, our heartbreaks.

We didn’t have any agreement on this, but somehow we knew that if he emailed me saying, I-want-to-talk-to-you, this would be his way of reaching out during his lowest days. I would know to respond right away, and we would be emailing each other back and forth until he dropped our email intensity: a sign that he already felt a little bit better.

But what did I know?
The thing is, I know nothing.

We know nothing even about our closest ones.

What if I responded to T’s casual what’s up right away a week ago? Would things change? Would we talk things out? Would he still be alive? Was that even his usual and casual what’s up? Why did I come to that conclusion? What if that was his signal of reaching out, instead of the usual I-want-to-talk-to-you? What if, in reality, there was nothing casual about what’s up, ever?

These were the things that came to mind the first few hours after I heard about T’s death. I spent a few days after receiving the news of his passing by rereading our old email exchange, trying to bring back the feelings and memories of our friendship.

Maybe, I was looking for a clue.

How did I miss this one? How did I miss him? The day when he left me his last message, did he think about leaving? Did he make up his mind already?

***

I didn’t want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that’s really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare. | Ned Vizzini, It’s Kind of a Funny Story

My partner told me that sometimes he wondered if people choose to leave to ease their pain or to free their closest ones and family members from the pain and trouble they thought they are causing. I sometimes wondered, too. And still, I didn’t know the answer.

However, this is what I know.

I know that T had the dream of coming to Asia and Australia, working with reptile researchers and conservationists. He used to send me pictures of his snakes and the baby alligator he’d been working with at a reptile hospital. He believed that reptiles were kind and gentle, but they were generally misunderstood.

I know that T decided to stay home after his sister moved out from their family house because he didn’t have the heart to leave his mother alone—although staying means putting his dreams on hold. “What if something happened to her and I didn’t know about it until hours or even days later?” he said.

I know that these are two of T’s happiest times: 1) when he worked with reptiles and 2) when he went to Hawaii and got to run through a rainforest barefoot.

***

A few weeks ago, I just wrapped up the writing of a book: a self-healing journal about nursing heartbreak and dealing with loss. At the time, I didn’t know that I would need this book for myself this soon.

Maybe, subconsciously, I wrote this book for myself, for the memories of T, and for those who have their hearts broken by depression every single day, struggling to survive another day.

I see you.
I hear you.

hanny
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It was a cloudy Saturday, but the weather forecast seemed promising. So, with our rented motorbikes, we drove down to the beach.

Our destination was a beach close to Nusa Dua. A friend told me it was a considerably quiet beach. We followed our Google Map faithfully–but it led us through a truly challenging off-road path. We didn’t give up, though, and thankfully, the sign to the beach showed up before we changed our mind.

Gunung Payung BeachGunung Payung Beach
The beach has a cave-cliff entrance–resembling the beaches along Uluwatu, and we need to climb down hundreds of stairs to get to the water. Good thing was that we were surrounded by trees along the way, providing us shelter from the afternoon sun.

Gunung Payung BeachGunung Payung Beach
The beach was quiet, as promised. The water was crystal clear, calm, and perfect for swimming. The sand underneath my feet was so soft and smooth. Vale was happy to find a huge cave for us to put our stuff and take a nap. It was a perfect spot to lie down on your beach towel and read a good book (I am currently reading Essence and Alchemy: A Natural History of Perfume by Mandy Aftel).

Gunung Payung BeachGunung Payung BeachGunung Payung BeachGunung Payung Beach
I love the fact that I could still find people from the village fishing here, along with visitors (and a dog!) who came for surfing, swimming, or having a picnic.

Gunung Payung BeachGunung Payung BeachGunung Payung BeachGunung Payung BeachGunung Payung Beach
There were only a few stalls selling food and drinks at the parking lot (young coconut, instant noodles) but there were none by the beach. And nobody was trying to sell me anything. After experiencing some crowded beaches here in Bali, this lovely little beach gave me room to breathe. To just sit still and stare at the seawater lapping at the sand.

Gunung Payung BeachGunung Payung BeachGunung Payung Beach

PS. Some of the pictures (capturing me by the beach) are courtesy of Daniele Besana.
hanny
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Reader’s Email:

I’m far from happy working in a cubicle and I feel strangled. I’m in limbo. There are things I want to do for the future that will make me happier. I just wish I could find the courage inside of me to get out of this limbo, pursue my passion, and roll the dice.

— A.S.

***

A 3-step listing exercise

There’s an exercise I usually do when I’m rolling in distress, feeling dissatisfied, or struggling with uneasiness.

Here’s the thing: sometimes we don’t really know exactly what caused us this distress, dissatisfaction, or uneasiness. Not knowing, sometimes, lead us to further distress.

Thus, the first step I do at this stage is to list down the probable causes of my distress.

Step 1. Create the HATE list.

When I am in limbo (to me this means: not really knowing what’s wrong, but at the same time knowing that something is wrong), I take a piece of paper and a pen, then start listing down the things that make me feel unhappy, uncomfortable or stressed.

Sometimes, this is a shortlist–and other times, a really long one. I list down everything: things I dislike or even ‘hate’. Things I’ve been worrying about. Things that have been bugging my mind. What stresses me out? What makes me feel dissatisfied and uneasy?

But the idea is not about creating an endless stream-of-consciousness journal.

The idea is simply to create a list:

For instance:

  • I hate being trapped in a 9-to-5 routine.
  • I am worried about my parents’ health.
  • I am angry at myself because I feel unproductive.
  • I hate last-minute cancellations.

Step 2. Translate the HATE list into a LOVE list.

When I feel like I have no more things to say, I stop writing and look at my list. There, I can see all the things I hate, I dislike. Things that stress me out, that makes me feel angry, depleted, or unhappy.

But the truth is this: what we hate actually tells us more about what we love.

If you hate injustice, maybe it means you love fairness. If you hate people who lie, maybe it means you love openness and honesty.

So, when we said we hate the 9-to-5 routine, for instance, what is it that we actually love?

Maybe hating the 9-to-5 routine means we love spontaneity or adventure. For some people, hating the 9-to-5 routine means they wish to have more variety in the work they do. For some, this means they simply need a rest, a holiday, a break, the ability to work from anywhere in the world, or a few days in a week to wake up later than usual. For others, this means they would love to have a job that gives them a sense of purpose, or a new challenge.

>>> Related post: How to Make Decisions, Especially When It’s Difficult

 

Although it might seem that we ‘hate’ the same thing, each one may translate to a different kind of love on the opposite side.

Everyone is different. So, the next step is to turn each sentence in our ‘hate’ list into a ‘love’ list.

For instance:

  • I hate being trapped in a 9-to-5 routine >> I love having the flexibility to work from anywhere in the world
  • I am worried about my parents’ health >> I love knowing that my parents are healthy
  • I am angry at myself because I feel unproductive >> I love the feeling when I can finish a personal project
  • I hate last-minute cancellations >> I love having online meetings because any cancellations won’t waste too much of my time

Notice that the ‘love’ list is the way I translated the ‘hate’ list. You might translate the ‘hate’ list into a different kind of ‘love’ list.

Step 3. Turn the LOVE list into a list of SMALLEST ACTION.


All of us can make plans for the future: if I have this, I can be happier. If I am that, I can be better.

Making future plans is good (I love making plans!) but most of the time, we are also making up excuses along the way. I cannot do it right now because of this and that. I need to get this and that first, only then I can follow through with my plan. We all know how it ends: the plan stays being a plan.

Why? Because the action we need to take is too big. Because the action we need to take is too far away from our current situation, condition, and limitation. So, now, looking at my LOVE list, I ask myself: how can I get more of these things I love into my life, no matter how small, with the situation and condition I am in right now?

For instance:

  • I love having the flexibility to work from anywhere in the world. Of course, an ideal action plan could be quitting my job and be a freelancer. But this is big and risky. The smallest action I can do at the moment with my situation and condition would probably >> Work on my passion project for 3 hours this weekend from a place that inspires me. This is something I know I can do, and I can commit to.
  • I love knowing that my parents are healthy >> Cook only vegetable dishes for Dad tomorrow.
  • I love the feeling when I can finish a personal project >> Make a 6-line poem and publish it on Facebook tonight.
  • I love having online meetings because any cancellations won’t waste too much of my time >> Always ask the client to do a meeting via Skype or phone call first.

I think you got the idea.

List down the smallest action you can do, immediately. It should be too small to the point that you can’t really make excuses for NOT doing it. If you’re still NOT doing it, make the action even smaller!

How it helps me

In my case, when I started freelancing after leaving my corporate job a few years ago, I was surprised to find myself feeling low and unhappy. It was confusing. Wasn’t this my ideal kind of working condition? To work from anywhere, to work with clients I like, to work on projects I am inspired with? Then, why did I feel distressed?

As I was doing the 3-step exercise, I realized that I was worried because I no longer have a ‘safe’ monthly income. I hated to feel uncertain, unprotected and insecure. I was uneasy with what might happen if I was sick and couldn’t work for a while because I no longer have the health insurance benefit my old company used to provide me with.

I love to feel safe and protected. I love to feel supported. I love to feel at ease.

Some of the smallest actions I chose to do in the following months:

  • Bought the cheapest health insurance I could afford.
  • Say the affirmation “I AM SUPPORTED” 15x before bed tonight.
  • Have no-shopping day once a week so I can save more.
  • Eat more fruits and vegetables.
  • Watch a course on meditation on YouTube,
  • and more small actions follow in the upcoming month.

Buying cheap health insurance was actually the very first thing I did after making my list. The feeling when I got back home with my insurance policy was amazing. I felt so light and happy as if part of my burden and happiness had been lifted up. Just by doing this simple act, I felt instantly better.

Does this mean I am 100% safe, protected, supported, and at ease?
Of course not.

But that feeling of satisfaction when I knew I have done something (no matter how small) to get closer to the kind of life I want to experience, is enough to drastically reduce my distress, worries, and uneasiness.

I wish you could feel that feeling, too.

PS: Feel free to let me know if this exercise works for you, too. You can also email me here if you like to share some of your personal/professional stories 🙂
hanny
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I was sick all morning the other day, having a headache and throwing up every once and a while.

I curled up in bed, falling in and out of sleep and being miserable. I felt much better when I opened my eyes around noon and felt hungry. Hunger is always a good indication of my health. When I am not hungry, I am somewhat sick.


Since I had been working from deadline to deadline these past few weeks, and my day started out so late already, I decided to have a break. I browsed around to see some relaxing activities to take while recovering from my headache and found one. At 5 pm, the co-working space Outpost in Ubud, Bali, was having a Paint & Sip activity, hosted by Bartega Studio.

It was said to be a social painting kind of event: where you’ll meet people, learn how to paint, and sip wines. I decided to sign up when I saw an available option for people who do not wish to drink wine. With my headache, I didn’t want to take risks!

What is this social painting session actually?

Bartega Studio (their base is in Jakarta) hosts a social painting event because they think it’s something fun to do: you meet people, you talk to each other while you paint, and in some instances, sip wine together.


I, myself, have always found it relaxing and therapeutic to draw, doodle, or play with paint and watercolors. The idea is not to create a masterpiece, but simply to play around, get my hands dirty, and experiment. Sometimes it’s interesting to just let yourself loose, and see what kind of shapes and colors would appear on your blank canvas afterward.

I also notice that when a group of people creates something with their hands, a certain conversation will flow. A spontaneous conversation without any purpose or agenda, without feeling like there’s a certain emptiness to fill. Everyone is busy making something anyway! So, each passing conversation feels very relaxed, random, and… social.

With some music on and some wines sparkling on the table, we started our session that day: to paint a scene from Ubud’s Monkey Forest.


Benson from Bartega Studio guided us on how to create this painting step-by-step. Some ladies also decided to improvise that day, and it was totally okay. Art is a medium of self-expression, isn’t it?

One lady replaced the temple in the scene with a painting of herself.

“Because your body is your temple!” I smiled.

“Indeed! Oh wow, you got it!” she laughed.


We were painting with acrylics that day, but I was treating the acrylic paint the way I treated my watercolor. The result was a very pale and pastel-y end result (that was my painting on the left in the picture below). However, it was a fun experience, and now I learned one or two things about working with acrylics!

Book your private session

Bartega Studio can also help you set up a private social painting session paired with excellent wine selections. Either it’s a birthday party, an office getaway, or simply a gathering where you want to have fun with acrylics, they can organize a session for you.

Going solo? No worries. Check their schedule for another session here.

There are times when a painting is not a solitary act. This is one of them!

hanny
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MY GO-TO SHOP FOR SILVER JEWELRY IN UBUD, BALI

Studio Perak in Jalan Hanoman, Ubud, has always been my go-to place for finding beautiful silver jewelry with reasonable price. Compared to fancier stores around Ubud, so far, Studio Perak is still the champion for the combination of quality, design, and price. Lately, they have also been making a set of rings with chakra symbols and mantras that I truly adore!


Plus, while in Bali, I’m happy to plant a good karma by being a responsible buyer. Studio Perak shops operate under the principles of fair trade. Silver artisans can set the price of each piece of jewelry themselves. There is no value or payment gap between women and men silversmiths. No children are being employed. Silver artisans in Studio Perak can even work from their own home, according to their own schedule!

MAKING MY OWN SILVER JEWELRY

A few years back, I participated in Studio Perak’s silversmithing class. It was my first time to make silver jewelry from scratch. I enjoyed it so much and made 2 pieces of silver jewelry. Both were gifted to a friend on the same day. Thus, technically, I didn’t really have my own DIY silver jewelry! And I want one (or maybe two)!

So, this morning, I went back to Studio Perak for another chance: to make silver jewelry as a gift for myself.


I brought along some of my old stone collections; including this yellow citrine. I wanted to turn this one into a ring.

As I started, I just found out that it was more time consuming to make a piece of silver jewelry with a stone. This is because you need to create a frame for the stone first. Cutting the silver plate and wrap it to match the shape of my stone was taking most of my time today.

Once the frame for the stone was done, I started to measure the size of my finger and created my silver ring.


“Would you like to put an engraving inside the ring?” asked Bli Ketut, the teacher from Studio Perak and our master silversmith of the day.

I said yes.

He then gave me a set of alphabets to be hammered into the insides of my silver ring. I decided to choose the mantra Ram, chanting for the solar plexus chakra. Citrine is also a stone that corresponds to this chakra.


And this is how we attached the ring to its stone frame: with a flame. While Bli Ketut molded the ring and the frame together, I pumped the torch with my feet under the table–making sure the air was flowing to keep the flame burning.


Since there was still some time left after this process, I decided to make another piece of jewelry. I wanted to recycle an amethyst ring I found in a random street stall in Pontianak into a bracelet.

The stone was taken out from the frame, and I created a new frame following its shape, to be attached to a silver bracelet.


The most meditative part of the silversmithing process was polishing the silver jewelry. It was amazing to see the dull ring and bracelet that had been hammered and torched suddenly sparkled after the polishing session.


And here they are, shining under the sun!

BOOK YOUR SILVERSMITHING CLASS IN UBUD

If you’re interested to make your own silver jewelry, just drop by at Studio Perak and book your class schedule at least 1 or 2 day(s) before. They have 2 classes every day, from 9 am – 12 pm and another one from 2 pm – 5 pm.

For IDR400K, you can get up to 5 grams of silver to work with. This is mostly enough to make 3 rings, or a ring and a set of earrings, or a ring and a simple bracelet.

Browse for design inspirations for your jewelry before the class, so you can consult with Bli Ketut on the design and start right away. Looking for inspiration right there and then could be overwhelming!


If you’re working with stones, you’ll need more silver plates to work with. This is because you’ll have to create the stone frame (and it takes quite a lot of silver plates). For my ring and bracelet, I use up 8.88 grams of silver. For the extra 3.88 grams, I paid about IDR53K.

I brought my own stones with me to the class. However, if you’d like to work with stones (but didn’t have one), Studio Perak has a lovely collection of stones and crystals in different shapes you can choose from. The price is also very reasonable, from IDR10K for a small piece (suitable for rings or earrings) up to around IDR25K (slightly bigger ones, suitable for pendants or bracelets).

Are you interested in making your own silver jewelry in Ubud? What are you going to make?

PS: If you’re not into jewelry and more interested in making your own batik, check out this post from my batik workshop in Ubud!
STUDIO PERAK
Ketut Darmawan
+62 81 236 51809 or Studio +62 361 974244
JI. Hanoman, Ubud 80571, Gianyar, Bali, Indonesia
[email protected]
hanny
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morning coffee in ubud

This morning, I took some time to sit by myself in a coffee shop, accompanied by a warm cup of cappuccino and Alice Hoffman’s The Story Sisters. I started the day early, wishing to get more work done. These past few weeks have been hectic with deadlines, and at times, I felt as if my brain was boiling.

Ubud’s sky was gray. The air felt fresh against my skin as I sat there, sipping my coffee in silence. I left Alice Hoffman on the side, and found myself appreciating my surroundings instead: the dogs barking, the birds chirping, the motorcycles passing, the trees around the Monkey Forests rustling–the sounds of the morning. And I noticed how wonderful it was: the feeling of warmth that crawled from the tip of my fingers that were cupping the coffee mug.

Suddenly, I was still.

morning coffee in ubud

I dropped everything in that fleeting moment: my to-do list, the emails I need to sent, the invoices that have not been paid, the calls I need to schedule, the sentences for a web copy…

For the time being, there was only me, a cup of coffee, and Ubud in the morning.

As the warmth of the coffee mug permeated my skin, a deep feeling of gratitude swept me off of my feet, and I could feel my muscles relax: I smiled. I truly felt grateful to be here: to be back in Ubud, to be able to enjoy a cup of coffee leisurely at 8 in the morning, to be surrounded by the people I love, even to have today’s deadlines and work ahead of me!

And of course, I was lucky.
Of course, I should be grateful.

However, since the first day I came back to Ubud, I hadn’t actually felt it. I had been buzzing around, meeting friends, snapping pictures, painting, attending events, going out, typing away on my laptop, but I hadn’t really felt the wave of gratitude for the simple things: for being able to be here.

To be back.

morning coffee in ubud

I almost forgot how beautiful that magical feeling was: an instant wave of gratitude and appreciation towards life as it is. It was not one of those moments when you say gratitude as a ritual or part of a routine–or those moments when you said to yourself: okay, I need to be grateful. Or those times when something nice happened to you, and you were grateful for that.

I was referring to something spontaneous. A spontaneous rush of gratitude.

morning coffee in ubud

I wonder when was the last time I had this sudden rush of gratitude and appreciation, something so strong and so spontaneous, and at the same time: so fleeting. I could only go back to as close as a few years ago–when I was lying on my back by the beach in Sebayur Island in Flores.

The island was dark and the sky was full of stars.
So full I was almost sure that I could see the whole of the Milky Way.

This morning, the whole of the Milky Way was spinning inside my cup of coffee. And happily, I let myself spinning in it.

hanny
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No. I don’t think so.

I think traveling, especially when you’re traveling alone to someplace far away, will only enhance whatever feeling you’re feeling at that particular moment.

The thing is this: our feelings can be expressed through different outlets.

Those who are sad can wrap themselves up in a blanket or go out to party all night long. Those who are angry can punch a wall, swear on the top of their lungs, plot a revenge, or make a painting with black ink.

The thing is when we travel, our feelings stay the same.
Most of the times, it is our outlet of expression that shifts.

When we are sad, traveling won’t actually make us instantly happier. But being in a new place, meeting new people, or forced to be in an unfamiliar situation, enables us to navigate our sadness differently. We are still sad, but we are channeling our sadness in a different way–a way that may not come to us naturally.

And this is what, most of the times, feel like happiness.

But is it possible to travel sad and come home happy?

Sure, it is.

However, instead of focusing on ‘how to be happy’, maybe we need to focus on ‘how to be sad’ instead. Sadness, or other ‘uncomfortable’ feelings such as disappointment, anger, or shame, is present to build us up as a person. They are present because we need them in our lives. They exist to impart a wisdom, a lesson, a message–but most of the times, we are so eager to push them aside so as not to feel them entirely, simply because we’re too focused on the neverending chase of the so-called ‘happiness’.

Many things masquerade themselves as ‘happiness’–or the feeling of contentment.

Well, ‘masquerading’ may not even be the exact word, because when we’re giving enough time for the less comfortable feelings to be processed internally, sometimes those feelings find their most appropriate outlets of expression, and transform into a more comfortable feeling, like happiness, contentment, fulfilment, peace, or even pride.

A few years ago, I attended a talk by Dr. Dave Logan about how to feel your anger and use this feeling to ‘unleash your dark side‘. Think of your favorite superhero movie: a lot of superheroes use their anger or sadness as fuels to do something good: something that is much bigger than themselves.

Valiant Budi, a good friend, befriended his sadness, depression, confusion, and pain as he was recovering from a brain hemorrhage, through writing. Recently, he published a novel called Forgotten Colors, where the main character who suffered a hemorrhagic stroke is trying to make sense of the world around him as he grapples the space between imagination and reality.

Writing is also my outlet of expression.

It helps me to process the less comfortable feelings inside of me, and an outlet I am comfortable to use when giving self-discovery retreats, classes, or workshops. For this reason, when I was sad, angry, disappointed, or lost and decided to travel, I would travel to a secluded place where I could write without interruption.

But sometimes, my feelings find different outlets of expression, too.

I told my friend once about this, “When I’m sad, I don’t travel to be happy. I only travel to be sad somewhere else.”

Traveling alone, for me, is not an escapism; not in a sense that I am running away from whatever feeling I am feeling at the moment.

Traveling, for me, is a way to let those feelings in (not out), completely.

It is a way for me to process those feelings clearly–without having to be interrupted or compromised with prior commitments, work meetings, house chores, daily habits, or well-meaning friends wanting to take me out to ‘have some fun’.

Being surrounded by unfamiliar things when we travel forces us to find a different outlet for expression to channel our feelings. When I travel, instead of writing, sometimes the outlet turns into meditating, reading, practicing yoga, joining art workshops, walking by the beach, or even working on a new passion project.

We can feel okay being sad, angry, hurt, or disappointed–when we can find constructive outlets of expression, instead of destructive ones.

And sometimes, traveling to an unfamiliar place, force us to find those constructive outlets of expression, that in return, makes us feel okay, happy, or even content.

It’s not about pushing the feeling away. It’s about feeling the feeling until it becomes love (or at least, something closer to love).

hanny
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Making decisions is not easy, at least, not for me (speaking from experience).

Having to pick only one from two (or many) options available, we are often hit by a wave of doubts and confusion. To me, the act of deciding becomes increasingly difficult when the stake is high, and the options are both good: when the list of pros and cons between the two is more or less a draw.

How to determine which path to take, then?

These past few years, I have used these 3 methods to help me make difficult decisions:

  1. I ask myself, what would I do if I were not afraid.
  2. I ask myself, which decision would take me closer to my idea of an ideal self and an ideal life.
  3. I listen to the way my body reacts and responds to the available options.

1. What would you do if you were not afraid?

This is my favorite question to work on when I’m considering something difficult.

Often, the reason we ‘choose’ one thing over another is simple: because the other one feels more secure, more certain, more comfortable, or more stable. And there’s nothing wrong with it, really, if security, certainty, comfort, and stability are the things you truly want in life.

The question is: is this what we truly want, or we choose this option simply because we are afraid?

Maybe we’re afraid of not being good enough, not brave enough, not creative enough, not spontaneous enough, and the list goes on. Although deep down we know we’re attracted to the second option, sometimes fear forces us NOT to choose it; and we settle for the first option, instead. Which feels… safer.

But if success is guaranteed, if both choices will deliver similar successful results, which one would you pick?

Regardless of which option we’ll end up taking, or what decisions we’ll end up making, it is always wise to ask ourselves this question first: if I were not afraid, what would I do? Which option tugs at my heartstrings? Which option makes me feel light and joyful?

When we noticed that we have one decision that is more appealing to us; and the fear creeps in, ask again: where does this fear actually coming from? Why do we fear the things we fear? Are there things we can do to overcome this fear?

For example, let’s say we know we’ve always wanted to enroll in an art school. But we are afraid because enrolling in an art school full-time also means that we need to quit our job; because our job takes too much time and energy. However, if we stop working, then how can we meet our daily needs and support our family?

Now that we’ve looked closer, we know exactly what we are afraid of. The good news is this: once fear is defined, it loses half of its power. Now we can look fear right in the eye and make a plan to eliminate it.

Can we enroll in an art school on a part-time basis? Or are we able to enroll in an art school full-time, and secure a part-time job that is less demanding? Can we sell some of the goods we have at home to add up to our savings account when we’re studying in art school?

2. What’s your idea of an ideal self, and an ideal life?

Each one of us cherishes an idea of an ideal self and an ideal life–one we’ve always dreamed about. Our ideal self is how we imagine ourselves to be when we have reached our maximum potentials: we’re happy, content, healthy, productive. Our work is fulfilling. Or we experience the things we love, or we are confident, or brave.

What would your ideal self be like? And what kind of ideal life you’ll be living every day?

Yes, let’s imagine it for a while. Because what the mind conceives, the mind achieves, they said.

So, if we can be our ideal self and live our ideal life, the one we’ve always dreamed about, what life would be like today?

What kind of person are we?
Where do we live? Who lives with us?
What do we do every day, from the moment we wake up to the moment we fell asleep?
What are the fun things we experience in our ideal life?
What are the good things we can do for the people around us?
What kind of life we’d be living if we don’t care about other people’s judgments?

Having ‘seen’ this ideal self and ideal life, now look at the options available to us. Then ask ourselves: which option will actually take me one inch closer to my vision of an ideal life?

Again, regardless of what decision we will eventually make, questioning our options this way will make us aware of one thing: do we, every day, consciously making decisions (no matter how small) that will bring us closer to our ideal life?

3. Listen to your body.

I believe that our body is always communicating with us.

It tells us when we are full; although sometimes we keep eating because the food is so good. The body also tells us when we are tired and need some rest, even though our mind still forces it to work overtime. The body tells us when we feel angry, sad, or happy, and we can ‘hear’ it through the sensations of heat, cold, weight, lightness, or other physical reactions that come up when we’re experiencing those emotions.

Have you ever seen someone you have a crush on walking towards you? What would your physical reaction be like? Maybe you sit upright, you feel your heart pounding, you feel excited, your eyes widened, and a smile lights up your face just like that. You ‘feel’ your eyes shining or sparkling, though you may not be able to see your own eyes when this happens.

But have you ever seen someone you have been trying to avoid walking towards you? What would your physical reaction be like? It must be so different from the previous reaction.

So, watch closely and recognize the way our body is communicating with us: how does our body react when we are angry, happy, scared, disappointed, sad, excited, bored, nervous, or in love?

Now, when we’re about to make decisions, take a look at the options available to us. Read the options one by one. We can also associate ourselves with that choice when we’re reading it out loud. For example, we can say: “I keep working for this company for another year!” and then “I enroll in this art school and study art for a year!”

Try saying each option repeatedly, out loud, to ourselves: then notice how our body reacts to each statement.

Which option makes our body feels heavy, or shrink, which one makes the mind feels blurry, the eyes feel rather hot? Which option makes our body feel light and open, the mind feels calm, the eyes feel clear?

Or, examine our bodily reaction once again: what kind of physical reactions we have when we are bored, or when we are excited? Try matching these bodily reactions to each option: which option makes the body react as if it were bored, and which option makes the body react energetically?

Which option gives the sensation of pleasure, and which option gives a sense of disappointment?

If there’s one thing I learned about making a decision, it’s this: there is no right decision or wrong decision.

Decisions are just the many paths we choose to travel in, with all the views, stories, people, experiences, possibilities, challenges, and consequences along the way.

Every decision we take will certainly add up to our life experience and teach us one or two things about life. So this is not about making the right decision, or avoid the potential for making the wrong decision.

It is about making decisions consciously, and clearly. About paying close attention to why we choose one option and not another. To know ourselves. To know that whatever decisions we take, in the end, we take them consciously, by listening to ourselves, by listening to our heart.

By being honest.

Love,

PS: What was the most difficult decision you’ve ever made?

hanny
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Hanny illustrator
Hi. I'm HANNY
I am an Indonesian writer/artist/illustrator and stationery web shop owner (Cafe Analog) based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I love facilitating writing/creative workshops and retreats, especially when they are tied to self-exploration and self-expression. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting life—one word at a time.

hanny

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