“I always treasure friendships and always enjoy having friends wherever and whenever. But this time, I think I should given up one friendship. When the relationship is no longer healthy and one person feels hurt everytime they communicate but the other person is enjoying it and pushing too hard, then perhaps it’s better to call it a quit” (see: nila’s little corner)

I have no idea what is going on between my friends at the moment. It makes me sad to see how a friendship torn apart because of an unexplainable cause. It reminds me of how once I had to give up a friendship, and it still hurts just to remember it. I hate giving up a friendship, but sometimes, you just have to. And the situation I’m in right now makes me sad … because a friendship is threatened, and here I am, thinking hard if probably there’s something I could do to save it.

I’ve experienced myself the sadness of seeing a friendship come into an end, and I don’t want to see the same thing happens to my friends. I want to do something to help. But then again, who am I? I’m almost an outsider right now, and probably I have no right to interfere …

Still, it’s bugging me. What am I doing, trying to save someone else’s friendship while I couldn’t save my own?!! Why, that’s ridiculous. However, I think I have to do something. It’s hard to see someone suffers and do nothing about it. I just want to help … but do I have a capability to help? Or I’ll just make the situation worse? What if I made the wrong move and then … the friendship will be over because of my interference?!! Then the guilty feeling will haunt me for as long as I live!

I used to tell myself that friendship is a two-way kind of thing. You can’t save a friendship if the others want to call it a quit. You can try all means to save a friendship, but if the others didn’t want to … well, what can you do? You can’t force them to join your struggle, anyhow. And then, it crossed my mind: “What am I doing here? Why am I trying hard to protect our friendship and trying to please them, while they don’t seem to care at all?”

It’s sad to fight for something nobody wants to fight for.

Now, I am scared. Scared because I might have said something wrong, that I have been given a wrong solution to someone else. It’s difficult for me to see they’re drifting away from each other, futher and further every day. It’s sad to know someone is hurt, and the others don’t realize that. If only I could turn back time to those days when everything’s fine. Those smiling faces, the laughter we share during lunchtime, the silly jokes, the stupid things …

I miss those days.
I don’t know whether I’m going to do something about this, or just stay still. I do believe that a true friendship lasts forever; it will never end. And suddenly this thing crossed my mind: probably you can’t save a friendship. All you can do is just stay still and let friendship saves you.

hanny

If you made it this, far, please say 'hi'. It really means a lot to me! :)

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Screenshot 2022-12-08 at 12.43.17
This year, I learned to accept the days when I don't feel motivated, tired, or a bit grumpy. I learned to allow myself to sit with this feeling instead of feeling guilty about it and forcing myself to be productive, socialize, or just get things done.
Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash
In the end, self-care is not always about doing the things that make us feel good or give us instant gratification. It's also about doing the RIGHT thing: something that is good for us in the long run—even if it may feel hard at times.
Hanny illustrator
Hi. I'm HANNY
I am an Indonesian writer and an artist/illustrator based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I love facilitating writing/creative workshops and retreats, especially when they are tied to self-exploration and self-expression. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting life—one word at a time.

hanny

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