I find pleasure and happiness in simple things; small things that could make me soar on my lowest days … unimportant things that keeps me smiling on my saddest moments … (or am I just too easy to be pleased? hehehe :p)

These are 10 simple things that make me happy:

1. one scoop of ice cream (especially Spotty Dog!)
2. sitting at the back seat of the car; stucked in a traffic jam during heavy rain
3. smelling the fragrance of the wet soil
4. someone pats the tip of my head
5. looking at those shining stars in the night sky
6. watching people’s gestures at public places
7. buy a new book from QB!
8. white/water lillies
9. cuddling in my bed
10. someone gives me a gift for no reason at all …

Admiring someone could be dangerous … (not to mention the danger of being a huge fan of someone!).

The fact is, when we’re admiring someone, we have expectations upon that particular person. We admire him because we perceive him to be better than us. We perceive him somehow almost perfect. Sometimes we admire someone because they inspire us to do something. Or they simply brighten our days through their music/movies/writings … anything! Sometimes we’re being shallow by admiring someone just because of their good looks … hehehe :p

Frankly speaking,
I guess now I know the reason why people tend to admire someone they don’t really “know”. We admire those well-known figures who don’t know us (they don’t even know that we’re alive!).

And the most important part is: we don’t really know who they really are as well!!!

It’s hard to admire someone you know well because when you know someone so well, you’ll see the fact that nobody’s perfect. That everyone lacks of something. That everyone has their own dark sides that they’re trying to hide perfectly.

Once, I was really into this person … being a big fan of him. My world circles around him. He seemed to be almost perfect. He is handsome and talented, famous but considerate, such a gentle and humble star, an open-minded and idealistic figure, a romantic husband, a father who loves his family … until I got to know him better … and found out that he was cheating on his wife.

Hmm, I’m still a big fan of him, actually. Partially, I guess :p I got wiser in admiring someone. Came to think about it, we should not admire SOMEONE. We should admire some special qualities posessed by that someone. Don’t you think?

Well, this is just another weird thoughts of mine … since today had been such a weird day as well.

“A person who could not lead himself won’t be able to lead others”

I came to understand the ultimate truth behind these words just a few days ago …

I won’t consider myself as a good leader (I need to improve my personal qualities on that particular area), but I think I am a good follower. Being a good follower means, you let the leader to guide you through. You let the leader show you the way. You take orders. I have never had problems of becoming a follower–until one day, I came to doubt my own qualities of becoming a good follower … :p

Probably I’m just trying to defend myself … hahahaha, however … it’s hard to follow someone who doesn’t know where he is going. That’s the reason why I have problems working with disorganized people and those who doesn’t have time management skills. I do have problems following those who changes minds every once and a while, or suddenly changes directions without further consideration of the consequences that might happen afterwards. It’s hard to follow someone who constantly breaks the deal that had been settled earlier. It’s hard when someone told you to work on file-C and before you have even finished, he said,”Leave that unfinished. Now work on file-B and file-D!” And moreover, it’s so damn hard to keep calm when you have to follow someone who gets panic during a crisis and start yelling at everyone–who doesn’t deserve to be yelled (since actually they have been very helpful).

I know it’s hard to be a good leader. Sometimes the circumstances just stressed you out. But, let’s face it, a good leader has to know how to motivate people, to appreciate an effort instead of a result, to stay calm under pressure, and taking control of the situation when everything went wrong. A good leader must be able to lead himself, and then show us the way into the light.

Well, apart from that, just because someone is not a good leader (yet), it doesn’t automatically means that one is a bad person (the same thing goes for followers). You could be such a loveable person without having to become a good leader. Really.
It takes time (and “patience”, everyone! *note*) to be a good leader.

So, it’s OK if you can’t really lead, or can’t really follow. At least we could try not to become a pain in the ass for others. Hmm, to be honest, sometimes I become a pain in the ass for others :p –especially when I’m not feeling well, hehehe (so please forgive me, fellows … !!!).

To wrapped it up, I came up with a conclusion … that being unhappy & unhealthy at the same time is such a dangerous combination! Trust me. I’ve been there … at that particular time you won’t be able to follow. To lead? In your dream!!!

I hated you because you’ve never asked me out on a date, for a romantic candle light dinner. Instead, you asked me to accompany you eating cheap meals from street-vendors’ tents. I hated you because you’ve never mad at me if I didn’t call you or if I was missing for a day or two; cause you yelled at your girls in anger if you called them and they didn’t answer. I hated you because you’ve never given me something romantic, like flowers or chocolates. I could not count how many times have I accompanied you to buy some romantic gifts for your girls.

I hated you because you didn’t throw a love letter to my desk during classes. Instead, you threw some gross tissue paper to tease me. I hated you because you’ve never asked me to skip class, because you used to do this to spend more times with your girls, cuddling, hugging, kissing … I hated you because you’ve never threatened or punched those guys with whom I went out. You used to do those things when a guy went out with a girl you had a crush on.

I hated you because you’ve never asked me out for clubbing, while you used to take your girls out until dawn. I hated you because you’ve never had an argument with me in front of everyone. You used to fight and quarrel with the girl you loved in front of public. I hated you because you’ve never asked me to sleep over at your place, because you slept with all your girlfriends. I hated you because you’ve never slapped me or hit me; since your girlfriends got this “treatment” every once and a while.

There were times when I envied those girls who were having a relationship with you. Of course, I was really young and stupid back then, hating you for all the things you’ve never done to me.

But as I grew older, I do realize that I am so lucky … and now, I LOVE YOU for all the things you’ve never done to me!

Thanks for not asking me to be your girlfriend!

How fool … ! I thought THE SWEETEST DAY really exist … !

Probably Italians celebrate it on Oct 14th; I thought. Because on that particular day, Matteo sent me something “sweet, rich, dark, and simply irresistible”: CHOCOLATE … hahaha … what else do you expect? ;p Along with it, he sent me a note saying HAPPY SWEETEST DAY!

Doh, I thought there IS such a celebration in Italy. But when I asked him about it … NO!!! Hahaha, he told me that he made it up … there’s no SWEETEST DAY, either in Italy or anywhere else! “But isn’t it cute if there was such thing as SWEETEST DAY?”, so he said.

Hmm,
Should we celebrate SWEETEST DAY? What should we do during SWEETEST DAY?
Well, OK, let’s see. I imagine that SWEETEST DAY has everything to do with sweets of all kinds. Chocolate, ice cream, candies, lollypops, marshmallows, and of course cotton candies (I just love those pink fluffy stuff). Should we eat something sweet with the sweetest person in our lives? Or send something sweet to these people? Should we wrote a letter to the sweetest person in our lives, tell them the reason why we chose them as our sweetest person, and thanking them for being one?

So sweet!!! SWEETEST DAY could be my favorite day, then! :p

Came to think about it, I guess everyone should be given a freedom to choose for themselves. It’s up to each and everyone of you to celebrate SWEETEST DAY in a certain date, or a certain month–based on your preferences (or probably based on your past memories … hehehe).

When will I celebrate my SWEETEST DAY? Uhm, probably on the 1st of November (based on personal reason, that is ;p) When will you celebrate your SWEETEST DAY? And what will you do on this particular day?

(8 days left…)

The other day, I wrote “18 days left”.

Well, I was wrong. I’ll be leaving sooner … !!! All these things have made me feel a bit sentimental in some way, but come on, nothing’s gonna change. It’s only a matter of a different “status” (that I’m no longer an employee of the company)–but I could come and visit everyone anytime. We’re only 15 minutes apart (by taxi). And I could just “pop-up” at UHAMKA when everyone’s having lunch. ^_^ I’ll be missing all of you!!!

Anyway, I wrote this blog in English for Chris’ sake. ;p I came to the office early this morning and found a message from him on my FS inbox. I felt guilty knowing that he had tried to read my blog but he couldn’t understand it, simply because it is written in Indonesian. Sorry, Chris … never thought that a crazy American like you would want to visit my blog. Hahaha.

When Jonte told me that he was going to come home, I thought Chris would go along with him. But then Jonte showed up all by himself. And when I asked him,”Where’s Chris?”. Jonte said that Chris didn’t come along because he was afraid to be kidnapped by some terrorists or militants. Oh, Chris … come on. It is more likely that you’ll be kidnapped by some agressive Indonesian girls who are hysterically attracted to American guys!;p

It’s amazing how you come to love this city when you’ve spent years in it. When you’ve become a part of it.

A friend of mine who loves to speed told me that he was so bored driving in Melbourne because he couldn’t “pursue his maximum potential”. ^_^ You don’t deal with crazy ojeks or bajajs or the orange devil (metro mini) in Melbourne. Driving in Melbourne is less-challenging, so he said.

Someone should invented a playstation game called Jakarta Crazy Streets. Probably it could be imported to European or American countries, mainly to help everyone who will have to stay in Jakarta–for business or personal reasons. A Jakarta-based driver knows exactly how to drive his car in Melbourne, or Dedham. But a Melbourne or Dedham-based driver lost their skills when they hit Jakarta’s traffic for the 1st time. Hopefully, the game could help them… a little.

About 2 months ago, there were Daniel, a Deutsche guy who served as an apprentice in our company. Before he left us, he said we should add some contents in our “city-guide” machines. About lost and found. About what should you do if you lost your wallet. Or your laptop. Or your mobile phone.

Everyone at the meeting room laughed. Cause there is an unwritten rules stated: If you lost something in Jakarta, the only thing you can do is pray. If you don’t believe in God–an atheists or sumthin’, then … well, there’s nothing left for you to do. You can always punch the wall in anger, but there’s no point in doing such a stupid thing.

But still, I love this city. The adrenaline-rush when you have to jump off from the bus (because it doesn’t really stop to let people get in and off. It just move slower). The traffic-jam that allows you to view some more details on those billboards with interesting themes.

The food stall with its cheap & delicious foods served from grossy “kitchen-like” area (just make sure you don’t look at how the plates and spoons are washed, and I promise you, the taste will be delicious).

I love the short story collection titled THE EXPAT by Kirk Coningham, which captured Jakarta and its maddening characteristic precisely. These are stories of the city from a viewpoint of an expat… probably I should send one copy of it to Chris.

What is the meaning of loving?
It should be the thing that makes you cry happy tears.
But my tears are all made of sadness.
The fact that he won’t come back struck me.
Then what is the meaning of longing and waiting for someone for almost 8 years now? Not being able to love anyone but him.
Not being able to give my heart to somebody new.
Try to be loyal and not to get involved in romance with no one but him.
Should I let him go now? Is it the right time?
Will there ever be the right time to let go off someone you loved?