*dedicated to all my highschool friends–class of ’01

“… but when we leave this year, we won’t be coming back. No more hanging out cause we’re on a different track. And if you got something that you need to say, you better say it right now cause we don’t have another day …”
(:Graduation by Vitamin C)

It was our last year in highschool. I guessed all those thoughts about saying goodbye to school atmosphere, leaving our class-mates and the sweet memories we’ve shared for these last 3 years, have made our class of 2001 a little bit sentimental. Suddenly, things that had never happened before became an inseparable part of our everyday life.

Vitamin C’s Graduation had become our new anthem. We sang this song in most occassions. We wrote the lyrics on a piece of paper and gave it away to our friends during lessons. The boys did some last attempts to conquer their fear and started to call up some girls they had a crush on.

Not long after, some new couples emerged; declaring their new status by holding hands and throwing kisses along the hallway. The number of new couples was increasing every single month. Those who have become enemies for years decided to forgive and forget; eventhough some times were still needed to heal the wounds. We celebrated our teacher’s birthday with surprise parties and delicious cakes. For a few months, we were living in harmony, filled with lots of love and laughter. Everything seemed moderately perfect.

But it didn’t last forever.

Our school’s football league had just started, and the competitive air filled the sky. Sportive competiton has been defeated by a huge ego to win the league, and becoming this year’s champion of the league was the most important matter. Period.

Our class of 2001 was divided into several cliques. Constant quarrels and fights happened both inside and outside the football court. The tension increased and widened its wings: suddenly, all the fights were not merely about football. It was also about ‘you-dated-my-girlfriend’ and ‘you-dated-my-boyfriend’ thing. The love and laughter had evaporated since then. Tears and hatred took place.

I remembered that afternoon–not long after I went back from school, my phone rang:

“Hello? Hanny?” I heard my friend’s wavering voice. “Have you heard the news?”

“What news?” I asked, puzzled.

“That Ben and some other guys were going out to play basketball this noon at Sentul. And God, they… they got a terrible car accident and three of them were badly injured. They’re all at the hospital now.”

I had no idea what happened next. It all happened so fast. In less than an hour, our class of 2001 had received complete information about the accident. Somehow, we’d been united by this tragic accident that almost took lives of our closest friends. All those tears and hatred that had been hunting us these past few weeks dissapeared. Love, loyalty, and compassion took place.

In a few days, we had collected some money to help our friend’s family covering some costs for the hospital, surgery, and other medications. We sold stuffs and gave away half of our pocket money every single day. We gained support for donations. We did morning prayers for their recovery. We did simply anything that could help our friend’s lives. We had made ourselves busy to forget the sadness and when we weren’t busy, we concentrated on our next efforts.

And a few months after, I believed, our class of 2001 was the happiest one knowing that our friends’ lives were able to be saved.

Suddenly, the football league was no longer important. The boyfriend-girlfriend thingy started to seem ridiculous. During crisis moments, we have found our best quality as highschool students once again. Love, laughter, and compassion filled the air with its freshness. Our class of 2001 would always believe in the strength of love and friendship–that have helped us to pass this awful crisis, together.

Vitamin C’s Graduation and all those nice things that had happened in the beginning were spinning once again …

Do you think fiction are suffering from unexplainable coincidences? Do you think movies are full of exaggerated romanticism? Well, let me tell you something. Sometimes, real life is crazier than fiction!!! Take into account these experiences of my own:

1. My first year in highschool, and I had a crush on this guy. A senior. But he already had a girfriend back then, and I could only admire him from far away. We have never talked to each other. A few years later, I was in my last year in highschool. I myself had become a senior. And then I bumped into these guy’s friends in a mall. At that time they were already in college. I was with my friend, and my friend knew his friends. I got introduced to his friends, then we had a chat through MIRC, and in the chatting room, I met this guy I had a crush on! It turned out that he had broken up with his girl. And two months after that, he asked me to become his girlfriend …

2. I was a huge fan of this well-known drummer during highschool. I wish one day I could get a bit closer to him. Years passed by, and just a few days ago, I bumped into my lecturer’s husband in Yahoo! Messenger. He was a manager in my old office (another form of coincidence). At first, he asked my opinion to edit a certain passage in English. I was curious about this passage–trying to find the meaning behind those sentences. And then suddenly he said,”Would you like to know who wrote that passage?”. I said,”Sure. Hit me.”. And he mentioned the name of that well-known drummer! It turned out that he was in charge for the launching of this drummer’s new album!!!

3. Sounds ironic that a PR person admire an advertising guy. Well, I admire creative people, and this advertising guy was a creative director for one of the biggest advertising agency in town. One day, I worked with a small agency for a specific purpose. After two or three meetings, I found out that this advertising guy I admired is actually the Creative Director in this new small agency! To add up the weirdness: my colleagues in the office had a crush on a girl, and he heard a gossip that this girl is dating this Creative Director!!!

Recent one:
4. I was in QB, walking through the shelves … went through each book: the title, the author, the synopsis … and flipped through the pages of some books I found interesting. And then I noticed the presence of a cute guy. I overheard his conversation with the shopkeeper, he was looking for an advertising book of some sort. He was standing nearby, reading some advertising books. And I thought it would be perfect if we could get to know each other and went downstairs to have some coffee. Hehehe. It didn’t happen. We were queuing next to each other at the cashier, but he left the shop before me. I went downstairs to have a cup of coffee on my own, and then I went straight to the lobby. A friend of mine would pick me up at the lobby. He was just hanging around with his friends at the same shopping mall. As I hopped in to the backseat of my friends’ car, I was shocked to find that guy, sitting right there with QB plastic bags, smiling!!! My friend’s friend who sat in the front turned back at me and said: “Han, let me introduce you to my brother …” — *What?!!!*

Have you ever experienced a moment which is more peculiar than fiction?!!

He called me up on February 9th, while I was in the middle of an important press conference.

I said “Hang on, may I call you back some other times? I’m so damn busy at the moment. I’ll call you later on, OK?”
Today is March 10th, and I haven’t called him back. I have turned into a person I use to hate. An ignorant one. After almost a month of sleepless nights, my insanity started to suffer from what I called “the guilty-feeling effect”.

It’s just that … at the moment … I’m not in the mood of making friends with anyone. I smile because I have to, not because I want to. I talk to people with enthusiasm because I’m conditioned in a situation where I have to do such stuff. I have no other choice but pretending to be the girl who loves everyone, the girl who doesn’t mind to do anything … I’m in a masquerade.

My head is too heavy. I haven’t been able to rest my mind since … I don’t know … 2 months ago? I need to have some time with myself, just doing nothing. I haven’t got a chance to walk in the Botanical Garden and think. I haven’t feed my soul with the tranquility inside the Orchid House. I haven’t got enough time listening to Yiruma and writing my diary.

I’m running out of time–I can’t even enjoy my lovely sip of hot chocolate or tea before I went to sleep. I want to slow things down. I want to realize the fact that I’m still breathing. I want to be with my friends again–dreaming about a life we’re about to begin …

I’m getting sick of what I become. I’ll be gone for a while. I just need to find myself again.

*dedicated to Ji Eun and the Kim’s family

I met Ji Eun for the first time when I was still a 4th-semester university student. On a sunny Tuesday afternoon, I went to Ascott Apartment to meet my new “student”.

It all started a few months ago, when I was hired to teach Indonesian language for Mr. C.K. Seol, a new Korean manager in Samsung Corporation. The job finally led me to meet Mr. Seol’s superior in the corporation, Mr. Kim Bae Jung. Mr. Kim told me that in a few days, his family would flee from Bundang, Korea to Jakarta.

There would be 3 members of his family to arrive: his wife, his son, and his daughter. His son was currently a university student in the USA, so he would just spend a few days in Indonesia before flying back there. However, at that moment, Mr. Kim was worrying about his daughter. He wanted his 15 y.o. daughter to be accepted as a student in Jakarta International School, but the girl’s English was far from perfect. He had heard the fact that to be accepted in JIS, one should pass a series of examinations, including the famous TOEFL test.

At last, Mr. Kim asked me to give his daughter a private English lesson for a week; four hours a day. I was like … WHAT?!! I had suggested Mr. Kim to contact EF or other well-known English institutions to seek for a professional help. But I had no idea why he persisted to appoint me as his daughter’s mentor.

Let’s put it this way: His daughter could barely speak English. I can’t speak Korean (my vocabulary was limited to “annyong haseyo”, “cha”, and “kamsa hamnida” only). What could I possibly do to help this girl? I’ve told him the fact that I wasn’t the right person for this matter, and I didn’t think I have the capability to guide his daughter through the TOEFL test, either. He didn’t want to listen. It was finalised somehow, though I was still trying to protest …

It still came to my surprise up to this day. The next thing I knew, the next day I was standing in front of the Kim’s apartment with my friends, Victor and Mia (whom I asked to accompany me for the first meeting!). A boy around my age opened the door. Behind him was a woman (Mrs. Kim, I guessed). The boy is Ji Eun’s brother. He speaks English fluently, and he was the one who explained to me about the whole situation, introduced me to the whole family (Mrs. Kim speaks very little English, but she smiles a lot), and got me hooked up with his sister.

Ji Eun is a very shy kind of girl. She spoke in a very low voice, almost like whispering, and she only muttered one or two words in English during our first lesson … Oh, what a challenge! The next day, she was a little bit relaxed, and we got through the lessons … The funny thing was she always bring an English-Korean electronic translator with her, to help us communicate better. So everytime I said something she didn’t understand, she would asked me to type the word in her translator, and then she would take a look at the translation … then smiled and nodded. Then she would type what she’d like to say in Korean, and handed in the translator to me.

It was really funny, and quite sad, actually. Because I do want to know her better, but our conversation couldn’t get any further. A week had passed, and Ji Eun had gone through her JIS test. She was nervous about the result, I could tell it from her face. So did I. I felt responsible in some way. However, awaiting for the result, her father still wanted me to teach her English every Saturday for 4 hours ( because I told Mr. Kim I won’t be able to teach her on workdays — I have a class to attend!).

One gloomy Saturday morning, when we’re in the middle of our lesson, Ji Eun received a phone call from his father, and the next thing I knew, she was laughing and yelled,”I pass the test! I pass the test!”. I laughed and we were jumping up and down in her bedroom, excited. Ji Eun ran to the living room to tell her mom the good news.

The news had a big impact. It changed everything. Ji Eun became more and more confident, and so we’re getting closer by the day. She started to look like a little sister to me. We had a long chat during lunchtime and it turned out that she had so much thing to tell, despite her silence-mode last week. She told me how she missed Bundang and her friends in Korea, the sweet-potato pizza in Korean Pizza Hut, the fact that she loves to draw, read novels (Harry Potter and DaVinci Code are her favorite), watching horror movies, and working on mathematics equation (wow, she’s brilliant in maths!). She told me about a cute guy in JIS, her class-mate, her life in Korea, the fact that she felt lonely in Jakarta … the stories came from her mouth as if she had been struggling to resist the urge to tell it in ages.

Most of the times, I felt sorry for her. Her parents was quite tough on her, while she was a very sensitive little girl. Sometimes, when I felt lazy and she did too, we spent the whole afternoon listening to Yiruma’s CD or simply conversing with each other. Telling stories. Two months had passed. Her English had gotten much better, though the translator still helped us a lot…

Ji Eun had moved to Singapore due to his father’s job, and when I passed some Korean restaurants or watched Korean movies … she crossed my mind. It was an interesting experience. A unique relationship. The way we chat with each other by using our hand-gestures, drawing pictures … try to understand what the other side was meant to say.

The fact that a smile carries a thousand of messages, crossing all boundaries. Crossing cultures. The truth that different language is actually not a barrier to start a friendship. All you need to make friends is just an open heart … and probably, an electronic translator!

Not long after I turned on my computer early this morning, I got a pop-up notification that I had just received an e-mail. It was from Matteo, an Italian friend of mine. On his letter, he told me about his Christmas celebration in Italy—well, in Genoa, to be exact (because there’s where he lives). So, I would love to share his e-mail to you all; just to throw some more Christmas feelings in the air, cause it feels like holiday, already!!! :p

Hi Hanny,

How are you? I’m fine! In this period in Italy we are preparing to celebrate Christmas time, you know, so we decorated our house mostly using red, gold, and green as usual, but also some new Byzantine colors, that are very charming indeed. By the way our Xmas tree isn’t too big, but full of lights, balls, angels, many other decorations and even a Santa Claus near the top, where we put a big comet star, then all around the tree we organized a Nativity scene, with many figures, little houses, palms, Roman soldiers, animals, the Three Kings and so on, recreating a little part of old Palestine as we are used to know from books and illustrations.

In these last days me and my family have been driven crazy because of the many presents we had to buy for each relative of ours. We also decided to help the others by giving some money for the scientific research, during the Telethon Show, and buying candles, cakes, covers, and little things like that for old people living alone in a hospice near our town. Plus we gave some money to certain homeless, who we have met down in Genoa, and bought some food for dogs and cats, which are living in captivity into a kennel in our town. Well, nothing serious, just little things like that, that help you to feel closer the Spirit of Christmas, and which reminds you that we aren’t alone in this world, above all when it is supposed that everybody should be happier than usual…

In Italy people give a great consideration to family lunches and dinners of these holy fests, so after having cleaned and decorated our houses, and after having greeted everybody, we spend lots of time cooking food or baking cakes and other good dishes. For example my mom bakes butter, cocoa, and chocolate cookies, then she prepares a kind of “Panettone” called “Panettone Genovese”, which contains flour, eggs and butter, of course, then raisin, pine nuts, candied fruit, lemon peel, and few aniseed seeds, then she cooks cocks and roast-beef, then “Tortellini” and “Ravioli” or “Lasagne”, boils chicken, prepares fish, vole-au-vents, appetizers of every kind, then Russian Salad, and many sweet creams to fill into cakes or to cover the “Pannetone”, then she cut exotic fruit and prepare a big fruit salad, and long drinks, too, plus many dried fruit, pecan nuts, hazelnuts, peanuts, and so on. Then we bought champagne, too, in order to give a big toast to the season and to our relatives and friends as well.

On the Christmas’ Eve we will go to the Midnight Mass altogether, and for the first time there will be my girlfriend next to me. Well, to tell the truth, this is the second time, given that the very first happened when I was just 17 and I went out will a girl called Sa**ina, who was 16 at that period, but we were too young, and to be honest, I have already forgotten that time, filing it into a mental file called “Old Memories”, if you can understand what I mean… Anyway before the Mass we will have a reunion with other people, for example our neighbours and friends, then we will walk altogether to the Church, handing a little torch, so there should be a long parade of lights, that light up the night, recreating a suggestive image, very sweet and touching.

After the Mass we will meet again, joining our club—you must be a member to enter it—where we can celebrate that Holy Night by drinking hot chocolate and hot spicy wine, eating very little sandwiches and pizza slices, or some “Pannetone” and “Pandoro” and “Torrone” too, which are all typical Christmas cakes and sweets. Then we will open our presents, having a toast with Champagne or “Spumante”, and finally go to bed. On the 25th of December, we celebrate the Xmas Day with a big family lunch, that’s so long and important, that starts at Midday and stops in the afternoon, more or less at 6:00 pm, so people won’t dinner at all on that day!

We commemorate the Boxing Day as well, still having another family lunch, then we are on vacation till the 9th of January, celebrating above all the New Year’s Eve, the New Year Day and the Epiphany Day too, always mostly with dinners and lunches, but also going to the movie, reading books, cocooning in our own homes, going to the Carousel, meeting friends, relaxing, playing cards or bingo, watching TV shows and things like that, you know … Then I can’t wait for the big New Year’s Eve Party, that will be fest by my g/friend, my friend and I in a cool club round here, and for the fireworks as well.

OK, it’s time to go, I have still many things to do, and so few time for doing everything in the right time, so I’d like to stop here, if you don’t mind. Have a wonderful season, and don’t forget that I love you, my friend!

Yours, Matteo

Here I am, behind my desk in the office, surrounded by those wall-sized window pane overlooking our little garden …

It’s raining lightly outside. I just can’t keep my sight away from the falling raindrops, the way it ripples the surface of our little fish pond, the way it gives the green leaves a sparkling kind of effect. The soft orange light from my desk-lamp, romantic songs from Mbak Sri’s computer, a little teddy bear given by an ex boyfriend …

Wow. It feels like home! It feels like holiday! It feels like … us.

I miss you. Much.

I woke up this morning and felt a bit empty. The feeling of missing someone so bad, and yet I was left with the redemption of not knowing for sure about who that someone is. My head feels heavy since then. I guess I’m getting sick (again?!!). My heart feels heavy, as well. (Could it be some kind of guilty feeling?) And still, my thought goes to you …

I miss you. Much.

I use to pray for us (and our dreams) before I go to bed at night. I have my dream, and you have yours. Different world, different path, different future, different way, but we do understand each other well enough to go through it together. To keep conflicts away. To support our pursuit, though I don’t live your dream and you don’t live mine.

I miss you. Much.

You have delivered such a magical moment into my life, and I know I have delivered one for you as well. We’re not in love with each other (yet?) — because there’s a saying “never say never” …

Probably love is not the reason why we stick together up to now. It’s not because of love that we drop some messages on the net after stopped talking for a month. It’s not because of love that we keep on longing for each other’s presence during our toughest times. It’s not because of love that we share our dreams and promise to pursue it together. It’s not because of love that we’re trying to make each other a part of our own reality. It’s not because of love that we resist ourselves from getting involved with somebody new.

I miss you. Much.

It’s curiosity that keeps us together this far. We drop messages to find out whether each one of us have come to realize the dreams. It’s desperation that brought us back to each other during our saddest moments. It’s envy that caused us to share our dreams and pursue it together. I just want to know how far you’ve come, and so do you. It’s loneliness that caused us trying hard to brought each other into our own reality. It’s jealousy that keeps us reluctant to meet somebody new.

I miss you. Much.

Probably curiosity, desperation, envy, loneliness, and jealousy are simply love which is less expressed …

But, anyway, I’m still missing you. I miss us. And all the things we’ve accidentaly missed.