Last weekend, I bought a cupcake tin and decided to make cupcakes! For my first attempt, I took a simple chocolate cupcake recipe and make some adjustments:

Basic Chocolate Cupcake Recipe:

• 150g butter (unsalted)
• 150g castor sugar (but I reduced it to 100 g because I don’t want it to be too sweet)
• 175g self raising flour
• 3 eggs
• 2 tbsp cocoa powder (I used hazelnut-flavored cocoa powder)
• 1 tsp vanilla extract (but I reduced it to 1/2 tsp to make the cocoa fragrance stands out)

Beat with electric mixer until it’s light and creamy, then divide it evenly into the 12-cupcakes tin, bake for around 20 minutes, 160^oC.

I thought I might have some cupcake papers at home, but turned out I didn’t. That’s the explanation for the quite-flat appearance of the cupcakes, as when the dough developed, it spilled to the tin’s surface 😀

Well, to save it, I trimmed each cupcake a bit and layered the surface with my own recipe of coffee-Baileys butter cream.

Coffee-Baileys butter cream:

• 100g butter
• 50g castor sugar (you can add more sugar later to the mixture if you like sweeter cream)
• 1/4 cup of coffee-flavored Baileys
• 4 tbsp of coffee; liquid (I used Kopi Aroma :D)

Beat with electric mixer until it turned into a perfect butter cream.

So, there you go, cupcake! ^^

Surely I need more training on decorating with butter cream! 😀

I put it on the fridge (I like it cold) and brought it to the office for this morning’s breakfast.

Those cupcakes were gone quite fast!

The Gemini woman is vibrant and exciting but easily bored. She is always looking for something new and favors variety in everything. She probably has multiple interests but none will hold her attention for very long. Her mental complexity is however sometimes misinterpreted as being ambiguous or shallow but she is deep thinking. Though she thinks too much, her downfall is that she feels too little. For as many downfalls this gives it also has it perks. Your Gemini is never overly emotional or draining. She will not move to control you and will always give you space.

Charming and clever she will be a straightforward and flexible lover. She’s light and has a personality many find appealing. She is not the easiest sign in the zodiac to seduce though. The twin nature of the Gemini woman is always prominent. One second she could be all for whatever and whomever and the next, she doesn’t want to be bothered. To seduce her you need to think outside of the box. Rethink your entire approach and adjust your skills of persuasion. She will see through any half-hearted or shallow attempt to win her favor. If she does she see through you she will laugh wholeheartedly in your face and at your failure.

She will leave your head spinning and your area below the belt screaming for more. She makes your life interesting and you will wonder how you ever got along without her before. Try to keep up with her. She will take you on an amazing adventure.

— Gemini woman’s sextrology, sent by a friend early this morning

Finally, I’m back to the kitchen, cooking and baking. It started with a year-end HongKong-style fried rice with scrambled egg and meatball, cooked in chicken stock, vanilla cake with chocolate chips and poppy seed, served with fresh milk: as well as espresso cake with chocolate and liqueur sauce: So, there went my New Year’s holiday…

It’s going to be a silent beginning.

Woke up early in the morning to bake some cakes, having fun with mixers, flours, measurement spoons and old recipe books. And then stayed lazily in bed throughout the afternoon with Murakami and Junot Diaz, my fingers moved frantically over the keypad, enthusiastically channeling what’s going on to 1,300 km away. The distant sound of the telly wiped over me like a sweet melancholia. It was as if I got transported to certain scenes of My Blueberry Nights and Two Lovers. The alarm clock,  floral bed-cover set, still-empty photo frames I’m about to keep some of my shots in… and it crossed my mind: that wherever I’ll be this year, I just hope you’ll be there with me.

———————–

*) Happy New Year 2011! Semoga tahun ini kita bisa menjadikan diri kita semakin bermanfaat bagi orang-orang di sekitar kita; and may this year be a meaningful & prosperous one for all of you 🙂

“I’ve learned that it’s best not to give a damn to those who are trying to bring you down. Came to think about it, people are just… people. They, themselves, might have undergone difficult times. Their lives could be tougher than yours. Most of the times, there’s nothing much you can do about it. Just… be happy. Be kind. Stay humble. Make sure that you’re walking toward the bright side: the one where sunflowers are blooming under a bright blue sky; the place where people are smiling and willing to wipe out each others’ tears. And you’ll be doing just fine, as always. Because life is fair—even in ways we can’t comprehend.”

—- a friend.

I’ve Learned
by Omer B. Washington

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don’t care back.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust
and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself
to the best others can do,
but to the best you can do.
I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people,
It’s what they do about it.
I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slide it,
there are always two sides.
I’ve learned that you should always have loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you’ll see them.
I’ve learned that you can keep going
long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
When it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don’t know how to show it.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to
doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is,
they’re going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.
And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
ahead of their actions.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves go farther in life.
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that writing,
as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice
and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I’ve learned to love
and be loved.
I’ve learned…

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of it’s furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

–Rumi

Jakarta, hujan deras, kilat menyambar-nyambar di luar.

As a college student and as an adult, I started losing bookmarks.

I have lots of cute bookmarks, and there were times when I realized that some of my bookmarks have been missing; and only two were left. I bought more bookmarks and in a year, I realized that I have lost three. Probably it was lying around helplessly in some of my drawers, or in my huge bookshelf—got hidden under some books, still buried between the pages of a certain novel I haven’t finished, or slipped under my bed sheet—since I love reading in bed.

Not so long ago, my boyfriend got me this beautiful bookmark.

It looked a lot like stained-glass you spotted at those colorful church windows; the colorful pieces make up the shape of a peacock. Since then, I have had three episodes of panic attack when I couldn’t find that peacock bookmark; while my other bookmarks are lying around peacefully on top of my bedside table.

It was like those moments when you thought you’ve lost your mobile phone. In desperate anticipation, you emptied your bag, preparing yourself for the worse, then with a thud your mobile phone hit the floor; along with mints and an almost empty tissue pack and keys and name cards and your purse, and you realized that you didn’t lose it, and it was there all the time.

At the time I couldn’t find that peacock bookmark, I would feel the chill down my spine, and my mind was racing: what was the last book I read, did I bring that book to the office, in which bag I carried that book, did I left it here, did I left it there?

I would emptied every drawer, every bag, every book lying on the top pile of my bedside table desperately, flipping every page frantically, my heart pounding. I felt feverish. Annoyed. Mad. I would go crazy and started swearing silently. And then when I was close to giving up; madness turned into sadness. The realization that I have really lost it crept in.

And then, suddenly, I would find the peacock bookmark somewhere 😀 Inside my laptop bag. Hidden under my pillow. Buried inside my make-up case (how?). But then the feeling of relief showered me like summer rain in wintertime.

When I’m about to travel, I’ll be looking at the book I’m about to read on the plane; and I’ll ask myself whether I want to bring the peacock bookmark along with me. I’ll ask myself again and again: what if I lost that bookmark in a faraway island, a foreign country? I won’t be able to retrace it, won’t be able to get it back.

It’ll be safer to just use the peacock bookmark when I’m reading at home. I might misplace it, lost it for an hour (or a day), but I can just search my house or my bedroom, knowing that though I haven’t found it, the bookmark must be there, hidden peacefully, somewhere.

However, I can’t resist the urge to take the bookmark with me when I’m traveling: to have it between the pages of my book when I switch on my reading light, to trace the texture with my fingers as I gaze out from the cabin’s window, to be reminded of my boyfriend whenever I take a glimpse on it.

I know that no matter how careful I am, still, I might lose that peacock bookmark. Probably it’ll slip from the pages of my book and fall to the ground when I’m about to hop into a tram. Or leave it under a pillow at a hotel room somewhere. Or drop it on the floor when I’m about to board the plane.

But it’s worth the risk; and the panic attack.

A lot like love, don’t you think? You know that one day it will crush you and break your heart in a thousand different ways, but no matter what, you keep seizing the chance anyway, for all it’s worth 🙂

Just because some people are smiling in a cheerful-looking way, it doesn’t mean that they live an easy life. Just because some people look depressed and carrying around a huge black cloud on top of their head everywhere they go, it doesn’t mean that they live the most miserable life.

Everyone has got their own problems. My problems are not bigger than yours, yours are not bigger than mine. To think of my problems as something that’s bigger-than-yours or yours as bigger-than-mine is such a selfish thought.

But no matter how fucked-up your life could be, it’s you—and only you who could decide:

You can wail around—screaming and crying until your eyes popped-out from the socket, like the image of that girl in Tim Burton’s The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy. You can drink a bottle of Southern Comfort to comfort you or curse with your mouth shut. Or you can listen to angry songs on your iPod in maximum volume while sipping a cup of hot coffee in a cafe somewhere, smiling to the passers-by.

And whatever you do, whatever you choose, I won’t judge you. Because that, too, is selfish. And I’m not into fishy stuff.