What is the meaning of loving?
It should be the thing that makes you cry happy tears.
But my tears are all made of sadness.
The fact that he won’t come back struck me.
Then what is the meaning of longing and waiting for someone for almost 8 years now? Not being able to love anyone but him.
Not being able to give my heart to somebody new.
Try to be loyal and not to get involved in romance with no one but him.
Should I let him go now? Is it the right time?
Will there ever be the right time to let go off someone you loved?


3 Responses

  1. i believe that sometimes love do lasts. maybe in memories. or in moments. undefined by interval of times but instead leaves a lasting impression in one’s life. it instigated a burning desire of yearning for completion and longing. but maybe love on its own stands alone. that if the yearning is not met, and the desire remain unfulfilled. would that compromise the purity of love. people come and go. and love in various forms made their impressions. and it stands independent. untouched from goodbyes and hellos.

      1. it is interesting how we are made of memories. i have witnessed memories disintegrates into living shells of what life once was. blurred into dream and failing realities. at the end of the day, i’d be blessed just to have a faintest feeling that i had loved and being loved in return. meanings would already be lost by then.

        just to tell u. i bought ‘perempuan melukis wajah’ during my recent visit to jakarta. it was your writing that speaks the loudest. all three of them. i could trace you in all three. and i was astounded.

If you made it this, far, please say 'hi'. It really means a lot to me! :)

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We tend to shape our memories of them based on the limited time we spend with them—and our memories of them, over time, will be replaced with one single word, one single interaction, or one single feeling.
Beradadisini Love Letter to Self
I took up a personal journaling project this week: writing a love letter to myself before bed. I work on a thin A6-size handmade paper journal I got from a paper artist, Els. The journal is thin and small enough, so it doesn't overwhelm me. It feels like I am only going to work on a small project.
Standing up for yourself does not have to look aggressive. It does not have to feel like a fight. It's not always about convincing others or explaining yourself and your decisions with the hope that everyone else understands or accepts your choice.
Hanny illustrator
I am an Indonesian writer/artist/illustrator and stationery web shop owner (Cafe Analog) based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I love facilitating writing/creative workshops and retreats, especially when they are tied to self-exploration and self-expression. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting life—one word at a time.