Aku masih saja dibuat takjub akan sekian pertemuan yang nyaris terlewatkan–tetapi tidak. Seperti malam itu; ketika aku merasa nyaris putus asa dan tak lagi berharap akan menemukan (si)apa-(si)apa–kemudian langkahku memotong langkahmu secara tak sengaja dan kita bersua, begitu saja, seperti sudah seharusnya.

Candles

Kau merupa segala yang kuimpikan dan lebih. Terkadang membuatku takut, ketika hal-hal yang sudah lama kuangankan diam-diam kau jatuhkan tepat di atas pangkuanku, satu-satu: seperti jawaban atas doa-doa yang bahkan tak berani kuucapkan keras-keras. Jujur, terkadang aku meragu. Juga menunggu kapan semua ini akan berhenti pelan-pelan. Sudah lebih dari 100.000 kata kini, dan kita masih saja terhubung pada saat-saat yang bertepatan, seperti hari ketika aku berdiri di tepi pantai di Uluwatu dan mengirimkan sebongkah rindu pada ombak yang bergulung-gulung pergi; dan malam harinya, hujan turun di atasmu, 16.849 kilometer jauhnya dari sini. Kau katakan padaku saat itu bahwa kau bisa merasakan hatiku dalam setiap rintik yang menetesi kepalamu. Malam itu, kau sengaja membasahi dirimu meskipun biasanya kau lebih suka menikmati hujan dari dalam ruangan.

Lalu aku teringat malam ketika kita duduk di beranda untuk yang terakhir kali. Pada saatnya, aku luluh dalam tatapmu–dan tiba-tiba saja kata-kata menghilang dari kepalaku. Jadi kita terdiam berhadapan, lama. Rasanya tak seperti jeda yang harus diisi apa-apa. Kita tersenyum. Tertawa. Memandang ke arah yang sama.

Sepertinya kita bercakap dalam diam malam itu–tetapi entah bagaimana, kau membuat hatiku merasa bahwa untuk pertama kalinya, aku tak perlu ragu membiarkan diriku jatuh.

Screen Shot 2016-04-03 at 7.01.55 PM

hanny

13 Responses

  1. “Kau katakan padaku saat itu bahwa kau bisa merasakan hatiku dalam setiap rintik yang menetesi kepalamu.” Dayyuummm.. I wish I had said that to someone 🙂

  2. Have you ever considered publishing an e-book or guest authoring on other websites?

    I have a blog based upon on the same ideas you discuss and would love to have you
    share some stories/information. I know my readers would
    value your work. If you are even remotely interested,
    feel free to send me an email.

  3. Hey! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any trouble
    with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing many months of hard work due to no backup.
    Do you have any methods to protect against hackers?

  4. Exceptional post however , I was wondering if
    you could write a litte more on this subject? I’d be very thankful
    if you could elaborate a little bit more. Thanks!

If you made it this, far, please say 'hi'. It really means a lot to me! :)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

WANT TO SHARE WITH SOMEONE WHO NEED THIS?
Share on whatsapp
Share on email
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on facebook
Share on linkedin

READ MORE:

annie-spratt-4cNNenEn54c-unsplash
Maybe you've realized that you want to change direction. Maybe you've had enough. Maybe you won't tolerate certain things any longer. Because quitting can also be a courageous act. Because quitting can also be an act of self-care and self-respect.
becca-tapert-TCp8EdlVtbo-unsplash
"What role would I be happy to play in life today / this week / this month / this year / at this stage of my life?"  When I think about it, this question feels lighter and more playful than what-is-your-life-purpose, but it can also give us a hint about where we may wish to go in life.
rebecca-grant-cqIygVsfrgM-unsplash
What are the things you would do anyway, even if you know you would fail? What are the things you would do anyway, even if you can't make money out of it? What are the things you would do anyway, even if you know you won't be great at it?
Hi. I'm HANNY
I'm a published writer, a creative content consultant, and a stationery/blog designer based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am!

hanny

TAKE WHAT YOU NEED
THE JOURNALING CLUB