What do you know about sadness? About being left-behind? About seeing those backs, those steps, walking away from you, over and over again, and you found yourself looking at them with your eyes welled up with tears every single time, hoping that they would stop and look back but they never did? And you tried to brace yourself and looked up to prevent those tears from falling, but no matter how hard you tried it didn’t work because it still hurt?

What do you know about opening up and letting your guards down and falling in love and getting hurt? About how it sucks, and about how the fact that you can’t get away from it makes it sucks even more? About not being able to trust anyone ever again because you have been betrayed so many times you can’t even cry anymore? About how you kept thinking that you should have killed the feeling right away?

What do you know about trying? About wanting to believe in something good, something special, something real? About wanting to believe that people actually mean what they say when you keep on hearing lies? What do you know about wanting to believe that some people will actually stay when you are always the one being left behind?

What do you know about disappointment? About thinking that this is the one and that this time it should be different and that this is real and later on knowing that everything is nothing but the same old lies?

What do you know? What do you know about me?

hanny

17 Responses

  1. When anger replaces the pain. When time puts the distance needed to move forward. When you realize that you are actually glad that you found out when you did. When you finally believe in your heart that you deserve better and more. When you unpack your heart and gently open it ever so slightly to the possibility of trying again.
    You are young, you are beautiful, you are intelligent, you are loving, you are passionate, you are creative, you are fearless and YOU are WORTHY.

  2. I was really touched by this because I can relate very well with it. This is exactly how it feels to be in so much pain that it turns into anger, like Mountain Gpsy mentioned. You did a really great job showing such great emotions.

  3. One thing i know. No matter how hard i tried to stop the pain. It always back.

    Harrow, salam kenal dari Gorontalo ya 🙂

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Beradadisini Love Letter to Self
I took up a personal journaling project this week: writing a love letter to myself before bed. I work on a thin A6-size handmade paper journal I got from a paper artist, Els. The journal is thin and small enough, so it doesn't overwhelm me. It feels like I am only going to work on a small project.
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Standing up for yourself does not have to look aggressive. It does not have to feel like a fight. It's not always about convincing others or explaining yourself and your decisions with the hope that everyone else understands or accepts your choice.
Hanny illustrator
Hi. I'm HANNY
I am an Indonesian writer/artist/illustrator and stationery web shop owner (Cafe Analog) based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I love facilitating writing/creative workshops and retreats, especially when they are tied to self-exploration and self-expression. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting life—one word at a time.

hanny

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