What do you know about sadness? About being left-behind? About seeing those backs, those steps, walking away from you, over and over again, and you found yourself looking at them with your eyes welled up with tears every single time, hoping that they would stop and look back but they never did? And you tried to brace yourself and looked up to prevent those tears from falling, but no matter how hard you tried it didn’t work because it still hurt?

What do you know about opening up and letting your guards down and falling in love and getting hurt? About how it sucks, and about how the fact that you can’t get away from it makes it sucks even more? About not being able to trust anyone ever again because you have been betrayed so many times you can’t even cry anymore? About how you kept thinking that you should have killed the feeling right away?

What do you know about trying? About wanting to believe in something good, something special, something real? About wanting to believe that people actually mean what they say when you keep on hearing lies? What do you know about wanting to believe that some people will actually stay when you are always the one being left behind?

What do you know about disappointment? About thinking that this is the one and that this time it should be different and that this is real and later on knowing that everything is nothing but the same old lies?

What do you know? What do you know about me?

hanny

17 Responses

  1. When anger replaces the pain. When time puts the distance needed to move forward. When you realize that you are actually glad that you found out when you did. When you finally believe in your heart that you deserve better and more. When you unpack your heart and gently open it ever so slightly to the possibility of trying again.
    You are young, you are beautiful, you are intelligent, you are loving, you are passionate, you are creative, you are fearless and YOU are WORTHY.

  2. I was really touched by this because I can relate very well with it. This is exactly how it feels to be in so much pain that it turns into anger, like Mountain Gpsy mentioned. You did a really great job showing such great emotions.

  3. One thing i know. No matter how hard i tried to stop the pain. It always back.

    Harrow, salam kenal dari Gorontalo ya 🙂

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This year, I learned to accept the days when I don't feel motivated, tired, or a bit grumpy. I learned to allow myself to sit with this feeling instead of feeling guilty about it and forcing myself to be productive, socialize, or just get things done.
Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash
In the end, self-care is not always about doing the things that make us feel good or give us instant gratification. It's also about doing the RIGHT thing: something that is good for us in the long run—even if it may feel hard at times.
Hanny illustrator
Hi. I'm HANNY
I am an Indonesian writer and an artist/illustrator based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I love facilitating writing/creative workshops and retreats, especially when they are tied to self-exploration and self-expression. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting life—one word at a time.

hanny

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