Maybe this is a thank-you note, or maybe this is just a note, but the thing is (and you don’t know this) when I spotted you for the very first time, a poem from Silverstein came into mind, instantly, as if you were made out of these words:

There are no happy endings
Endings are the saddest part,
So just give me a happy middle
And a very happy start.

Oh, and when I said “I spotted you”, I wasn’t referring to the moment when I was seeing you for the very first time (well, didn’t I tell you once that looks can be deceiving?).

Rather, I was talking about the moment when I realized how comfortable it was when you were near.

***

You know how neat encounters with random people you’ve met along the way could change you somehow—giving you worthwhile life-lessons as they brushed upon the walls of your life. My encounter with you is one about being.

I know that life is what you make of it—and most of the time, it’s about shutting down your perturbing mind and letting your heart takes over. To do so, all these times, I thought it was more about having to be brave, courageous or adventurous (even reckless). But I was wrong. Turned out it was more about being comfortable—to feel content, certain, and light. You realized that your mind was still, and you didn’t hear contradicting voices, and your heart was calm and you felt peaceful, as if things were meant to happen and were meant to happen this way.

It feels as if a new chapter of my life is opening up right in front of me: the sun is bright, the path is clear, the breeze is cool, and the future seems enchanting. Of course, I was intrigued to question things, to indulge myself in the thoughts of us, to want more… but soon I felt guilty, as if I weren’t being thankful. Why want more if we have just enough? Because one day, when we meet again, I’ll whisper to your ear that I have no regrets, and you’ll understand.

***

Some people would ask me what the point of this note actually is, and what’s the closing would be.

But, really, do we need any?

A cup of espresso on such a serene afternoon. Embracing the silence by the window, staring into nothingness. The residue of the past turns into dust; and everything’s sparkling under the sun.

I’ll just say: thank you.

hanny

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Screenshot 2022-12-08 at 12.43.17
This year, I learned to accept the days when I don't feel motivated, tired, or a bit grumpy. I learned to allow myself to sit with this feeling instead of feeling guilty about it and forcing myself to be productive, socialize, or just get things done.
Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash
In the end, self-care is not always about doing the things that make us feel good or give us instant gratification. It's also about doing the RIGHT thing: something that is good for us in the long run—even if it may feel hard at times.
Hanny illustrator
Hi. I'm HANNY
I am an Indonesian writer and an artist/illustrator based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I love facilitating writing/creative workshops and retreats, especially when they are tied to self-exploration and self-expression. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting life—one word at a time.

hanny

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