I stop making promises because nobody knows what the future holds. I stop making promises because promises are over-rated. I stop making promises because I don’t want to lie. I stop making promises because I don’t think it’s necessary. I stop making promises because promises aren’t real. I stop making promises because the only thing that is real, the only thing that I know for sure, and the only thing that I can give you is the now. I stop making promises because I know that it’s impossible for a person or a feeling to not change or evolve over time. I stop making promises because I know forever doesn’t last.

I stop making promises because what’s important is this moment. I stop making promises because I want you to know that the moment I say I love you I really feel it right there and then. I stop making promises because I miss you right now—not tomorrow or the week after or the month after. I stop making promises because I know that nothing is certain. I stop making promises because I know how bad it feels when things don’t go as planned. I stop making promises because it hurts much more when someone doesn’t do what one has promised to do. I stop making promises because you are too precious to be kept waiting.

I stop making promises because there’s no better place for me to be but here, and no more perfect moment for me to seize but now. I stop making promises because honestly, I don’t know whether I could really keep them. I stop making promises because I don’t believe that fairy tales ended at The End. I stop making promises because life is full of surprises. I stop making promises because you’ll meet a lot of interesting people in your life and I’ll be meeting a lot of interesting people in my life—and so, who knows? I stop making promises because we are here to stay when we feel like it and we are free to leave when we feel like it.

I stop making promises because it doesn’t matter. I stop making promises because of your feeling matters. I stop making promises because the clock is ticking. I stop making promises because people spend too much time worrying about the future and whining about now. I stop making promises because we still have a long way to go. I stop making promises because the last thing I want is for me to tie you down or for you to tie me down. I stop making promises because I know freedom is one thing that we both cherish; either the freedom to be here or the freedom to be anywhere but here.

I stop making promises because when it’s time for us to disintegrate, we should disintegrate beautifully—with no burden, no guilty feeling. I stop making promises because you cannot tell how everything will turn out. I stop making promises because I believe in us. I stop making promises because we are committed enough to keep each other at arm’s-length; to give each other enough space. I stop making promises because it means nothing. I stop making promises because I don’t want to live in a dream. I stop making promises because we should not be bound by a vague idea about what we expect to happen. I stop making promises because I may leave you one day and you may leave me one day and we should be able to do so without having to end up feeling terrible.

I stop making promises because I want to say the things that I know, the things that I feel, and these things are all in the now: when I look at you staring back at me. I stop making promises because you deserve to know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And this, no matter how straightforward this may sound, this is the truth.

hanny

48 Responses

  1. *baca… tahan nafas… baca lagi… tahan nafas lagi… baca lagi*

    Thanks, Han. It’s beautifully written, as most of the times you did πŸ˜‰

  2. I have my own reasons why I refrain from making promises. I can’t just stop.

    Albeit for me, “A promise isn’t meant for drawing.” (musing on a freaky Friday) πŸ˜€

    Kudos for being freshly pressed! πŸ˜€

  3. Reblogged this on Curly Bookworm and commented:
    I have my own reasons why I refrain from making promises. I can’t just stop.

    Albeit for me, “A promise isn’t meant for drawing.” (musing on a freaky Friday) πŸ˜€

  4. I have to thank you for the efforts you have put in penning this website.

    I am hoping to check out the same high-grade blog posts by
    you in the future as well. In fact, your creative writing
    abilities has encouraged me to get my own, personal blog now πŸ˜‰

If you made it this, far, please say 'hi'. It really means a lot to me! :)

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Beradadisini Love Letter to Self
I took up a personal journaling project this week: writing a love letter to myself before bed. I work on a thin A6-size handmade paper journal I got from a paper artist, Els. The journal is thin and small enough, so it doesn't overwhelm me. It feels like I am only going to work on a small project.
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Standing up for yourself does not have to look aggressive. It does not have to feel like a fight. It's not always about convincing others or explaining yourself and your decisions with the hope that everyone else understands or accepts your choice.
Hanny illustrator
Hi. I'm HANNY
I am an Indonesian writer/artist/illustrator and stationery web shop owner (Cafe Analog) based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I love facilitating writing/creative workshops and retreats, especially when they are tied to self-exploration and self-expression. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting lifeβ€”one word at a time.

hanny

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