It hurts.
Saya melesak semakin dalam bersama setiap kata yang kamu ucapkan. Ternyata pertemuan ini sama sekali tidak menyenangkan. Kenapa kamu selalu kembali di saat saya sudah merasa baik-baik saja sendirian?

Saya muak.
Cerita ini selalu berulang dengan akhir yang berbeda setiap kalinya, tetapi tidak pernah berakhir sesuai dengan apa yang saya inginkan. Episode ini semakin lama menjadi semakin tidak lucu.

Saya capek.

Kemudian getar itu mengalihkan perhatian saya dari duniamu yang tidak pernah bisa saya mengerti (karena saya tidak pernah sungguh-sungguh ada di dalamnya).

“I’m at Kafe Pisa. Wish you were here; helping me with this yummy bella-ritz.”

Saya terharu. Bukan karena getar itu hadir ketika saya sedang merasa sedemikian terpuruk. Bukan pula karena bella-ritz ternyata masih ada setelah sekian lama. Tetapi karena dia ingat.

Inilah satu-satunya dunia yang saya pahami. Dan kamu tidak ada di sana.

hanny

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Standing up for yourself does not have to look aggressive. It does not have to feel like a fight. It's not always about convincing others or explaining yourself and your decisions with the hope that everyone else understands or accepts your choice.
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Hi. I'm HANNY
I am an Indonesian writer and an artist/illustrator based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I love facilitating writing/creative workshops and retreats, especially when they are tied to self-exploration and self-expression. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting life—one word at a time.

hanny

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