When I was young, I used to get ‘trapped’ in the prince-charming mindset: that there will come a man with all the qualities and criteria I have ever dreamed of to love me and to make me happy.

But here are the flaws in that:

  1. We put the effort in ‘finding’ the ‘right’ man who meets our criteria.
  2. The man who meets our criteria may or may not be interested in us.
  3. The man who meets our criteria and ends up being in a relationship with us may not bring us the love and happiness we thought he would!

I think the biggest flaws is that the prince-charming mindset focuses on finding or searching for ‘the right man’, an external factor that is out of our control.

When I started to do more sessions in writing/journaling for self-discovery, I found a better way to approach this. I asked myself 2 things:

  1. how would the ideal relationship I want to experience look/feel like? (detailing the qualities, feelings, and activities I’d like to experience in the relationship itself–NOT about the man)
  2. how can I improve myself so I can offer that kind of relationship to the people I love/care about?

Doing this shifted my focus from ‘searching for the right man’ to ‘creating the feeling/qualities I’d like to experience in a relationship’. It made me feel more like an active participant rather than a passive one, and in a way, more empowered.

What about you? Have you ever experienced something similar? Have you ever met a man that seems to meet your ‘criteria’ but the relationship doesn’t flourish? Or what is your take about the issue?



8 Responses

  1. I switch this idea around. So instead of finding the prince charming, I’d rather be the princess charming. In a way that I do more home work on my self, be a better person and rejoice my authenticity. And of course, relationship for me mean a connection. I’d spend time relate with the person I’m dating/in relationship with than my idea of the prince charming.

    Beside, I kinda always fall with a rock n roll star, not a prince. Prince Harry maybe.

    1. love the princess charming sentiment! that encapsulates what I have in mind perfectly.
      and I guess it’s true that some ‘prince charming’ is THAT charming precisely because he is an IDEA.

  2. Very interesting tough. I don’t believe in prince charming. It’s only a syndrome that separates many girls from reality and very dangerous for a relationship (the same with Peter Pan syndrome). Its impossible that a guy will have every little thing we’re looking for. Finding a partner that have the same vision about the future is more important. Someone that can fulfill our emotional need. Don’t forget we must also fulfill his.

  3. I used to think the same way as well. But the more I learned about what I really wanted to find to accompany me and make my self comfortable surround him.
    Just have some simple dinner in the lounge room while watching some TV drama on Netflix, or just go to the nearest park and away from the screen for awhile and focused on the books that we bring to the park. Lay down in the grass. Especially, I would like to find someone that I could feel comfortable surround him, even in silent without any conversation. πŸ™‚
    Ahhh,, Writing this make me feels blushing blushing.. Seems like I would like to write mine as well about this topic. πŸ˜€
    Thank you Hanny for sharing this <3

    1. let me know once you’ve written your experience/pov about this issue πŸ™‚ would love to read it πŸ™‚ <3 wish you happiness, always! <3

  4. At this age, I don’t believe such thing as prince charming. Maybe because for me they only exist in a fairy tale or Korean drama. :)))

    1. let’s be princess charming ourselves :)) so we can be the star of our own Korean drama πŸ˜€

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Beradadisini Love Letter to Self
I took up a personal journaling project this week: writing a love letter to myself before bed. I work on a thin A6-size handmade paper journal I got from a paper artist, Els. The journal is thin and small enough, so it doesn't overwhelm me. It feels like I am only going to work on a small project.
Standing up for yourself does not have to look aggressive. It does not have to feel like a fight. It's not always about convincing others or explaining yourself and your decisions with the hope that everyone else understands or accepts your choice.
Hanny illustrator
I am an Indonesian writer/artist/illustrator and stationery web shop owner (Cafe Analog) based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I love facilitating writing/creative workshops and retreats, especially when they are tied to self-exploration and self-expression. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting lifeβ€”one word at a time.