When I was young, I used to get ‘trapped’ in the prince-charming mindset: that there will come a man with all the qualities and criteria I have ever dreamed of to love me and to make me happy.
But here are the flaws in that:
- We put the effort in ‘finding’ the ‘right’ man who meets our criteria.
- The man who meets our criteria may or may not be interested in us.
- The man who meets our criteria and ends up being in a relationship with us may not bring us the love and happiness we thought he would!
I think the biggest flaws is that the prince-charming mindset focuses on finding or searching for ‘the right man’, an external factor that is out of our control.
When I started to do more sessions in writing/journaling for self-discovery, I found a better way to approach this. I asked myself 2 things:
- how would the ideal relationship I want to experience look/feel like? (detailing the qualities, feelings, and activities I’d like to experience in the relationship itself–NOT about the man)
- how can I improve myself so I can offer that kind of relationship to the people I love/care about?
Doing this shifted my focus from ‘searching for the right man’ to ‘creating the feeling/qualities I’d like to experience in a relationship’. It made me feel more like an active participant rather than a passive one, and in a way, more empowered.
What about you? Have you ever experienced something similar? Have you ever met a man that seems to meet your ‘criteria’ but the relationship doesn’t flourish? Or what is your take about the issue?