When I called you handsome, I was actually seeing something beyond the way you look. I was referring to a pair of wonderful eyes that you have: not because they are light brown or protected by such gorgeous eyelashes or stuff like that, but because whenever they looked at me, gently, I could see my reflections there; smiling back at me, and it made me feel so loved.

Beradadisini

When I called you handsome, I was actually seeing something beyond the way you look. I was referring to your nose: sometimes, it brushed my cheek when you were about to bury your face on my neck late in the evening, after a tiring day–and it made me feel so comfortable, knowing that you were near.

When I called you handsome, I was actually seeing something beyond the way you look. I was referring to your shoulders: not because they are broad or whatever, but because you would bring my head to your left shoulder when we talked, so I could just lie there comfortably and sniff the familiar smell of your perfume. It made me feel so warm—listening to you, having someone to share my fears and dreams with.

When I called you handsome, I was actually seeing something beyond the way you look. I was referring to your chest: not because it’s wide and muscular, but because when I got sad or angry, you would hug me tight and I would find my face—damped with tears, resting on your chest, sobbing there until your shirt got wet, until I was able to breathe again. It made me feel like… around you, I was allowed to be sad. That it was alright to be sad every once in a while.

When I called you handsome, I was actually seeing something beyond the way you look. I was referring to your lips: they kissed me silently on the bus when nobody was looking, they voiced some intellectually-stimulating topics we could argue upon, they read the hand-written poems you scribbled for me out loud, they uttered stupid jokes that made me laugh, and they said simple things like thank-you or you’re-amazing; or other sweet things so casually in front of your friends, as if I wasn’t there. It made me feel like the happiest girl on earth.

When I called you handsome, I was actually seeing something beyond the way you look. I was referring to your hands: when you held mine in yours as we walked, when you brushed my hair or my cheek mindlessly as you typed on your laptop or made a phone call, when you grabbed my waist and lifted me up a few centimeters above the ground as we danced. Those were the times when you made me feel tall.

When I called you handsome, I was actually seeing something beyond the way you look. I was referring to your feet: not because they are strong and athletic, but because they had walked miles and miles away to find me, and walked towards me again, and again, and again. Those were the times when I felt wanted, when I felt like this time, someone was actually making an effort.

When I called you handsome, I was actually seeing something beyond the way you look. I was referring to your back: because I had spent so many times staring at it as you slept, grazed my fingers along your spine to convince myself that you were real, and even at the time it turned away from me and disappeared under the drizzle one day as you bade farewell, it left traces of memories from the days I cherished, and it made me feel blessed for once in my life, I had known someone like you.

hanny

33 Responses

  1. Bahhhhhh!
    I just miss some parts =)

    When I called you handsome, I was actually seeing something beyond the way you look. I was referring to your voice: because everything makes sense if it comes from you. If u treat me like a stranger and still try to get me so close. Your wisdom words and tips makes me think and I see the world in different eyes.

    How is that?

    1. Nikochaaaaaan, komen tuh ya satu aja, di sini aja apa di fesbuk ajaaaa xD Pake kopipas! Hihihihihihi, main yuk, yuk, yuk! Kamu kapan di Jakarta dan kapan enggaknya, sih? Kamu tuh yang ngilang muluk!

  2. You got all of this from one guy?

    Omg. You’ve met the uber-guy the combination of all that is über in guys!

    Intellectually stimulating, funny, poetic, can dance, no emotion-phobia… And not a jerk.

    Über-guy.

    1. Hahahahah, yeah, got them all from one guy (don’t praise him too much though, or else he’ll be too proud of himself LOL) 😛 But, he’s amazing indeed; and a really good dancer as well 🙂 I think all of us has been a jerk at some points in our lives; whether intentionally or unintentionally. Then again, nobody is perfect. And he’s not perfect, too, neither am I. But that’s fine because we’re not looking for perfection, aren’t we? 😉 And sometimes the impression one left upon us is depending more heavily on the way we choose to see that experience 🙂

      1. …and how we see ourselves at that time too, I suppose.. So many factors and variables come into play that it’s just simply delightful when all the stars aligned blocking all the imperfections out of sight, no?

        You are wise beyond your years, Hanny. 🙂

  3. Oh wow. Beautiful! 🙂 There’s a Filipino term ‘kilig’ we use for a certain unexplainable jittery feeling from overflowing emotions of love. That’s exactly how I felt reading this. I’m so kilig! 🙂

  4. Ohh dear… this is ever so beautiful I so love the way u write … I’ve been following ur writings since ur Santorini series … I read almost all… U write so well. Deep from the heart and so honestly… I like I like I Supah like… And the best part is U got it all in one man. So did I.
    God bless U Woman. Take care and Smile always. Love and Huggs ~ gee.

      1. Oh …. I wud love to meet u… and I will one day.. I always believe we meet for a reason… God Willing we shall cross oceans…
        Amen. U take care too my dear. <3

If you made it this, far, please say 'hi'. It really means a lot to me! :)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

WANT TO SHARE WITH SOMEONE WHO NEED THIS?
Share on whatsapp
Share on email
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on facebook
Share on linkedin

READ MORE:

dmitry-novikov-WUZHoRJdv-4-unsplash
I recently have this fear: I would not have enough time to read all the books I want to read. Every time I glance at the pile of to-be-read books on my shelf, I feel overwhelmed. How can I keep up? I can feel myself getting anxious when I think of how, for sure, I won't be able to.
Hanny illustrator
Hi. I'm HANNY
I'm a published writer and a writing/creative workshop facilitator based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting life—one word at a time.

hanny

TAKE WHAT YOU NEED
WRITE & WANDER
THE JOURNALING CLUB