Unsent letters are sad. Depressive. Melancholic. But these letters are hopelessly romantic as well. I have a stack of unsent letters in my drawer. Sometimes, though I have expressed my feelings to a particular person, the unsent letters I wrote for that person remain unsent. Maybe I’ll send it one day. Or maybe not 😀

The ocean breeze feels so cool on my skin. That very ocean is soon to be my grave. They told me I will die a hero. That the safety and honor of my country will be the reward for my sacrifice. I pray that they are right. My only regret in life is never telling you how I feel. I wish I were back home. I wish I were holding your hand. I wish I were telling you that I have loved you. And only you since I was a boy.

But I am not.

I see now that death is easy. It is love that is hard. As my plane dives, I will not see the face of my enemies. I would instead will see your eyes. Like Blackrock frozing in the water. They tell us that we must scream ‘Banzai!’ as we plunge into our target. I will instead, whisper your name.

And in death, as in life, I will remain forever yours.

——————-

*) by Hiroshi Takahashi—a Kamikaze pilot. This unsent letter dies with him.
[From Gus van Sant’s movie, RESTLESS, 2011]

**) the picture is an edited snapshot from the brochure of my Lomo Super Sampler.

hanny

9 Responses

  1. You remind me of letters I hav packed away in a little “time-capsule” that I never had an address to send them to. It’s been years and I still can’t let them go, and yet if I could I would send them to whom they are addressed to feel a little closure! A lovely post, have you ever read the book “the little prince”? The quote you use by Hiroshi reminds me a bit of it, it’s my favourite book 🙂

  2. Of course! I looove The Little Prince, especially when The Little Prince met The Snake:

    “Where are the people?” resumed the little prince at last. “It’s a little lonely in the desert…”
    “It is lonely when you’re among people, too,” said the snake.
    Antoine de Saint-Exupery (The Little Prince, 1943)

    Love everything about the book, from the storyline to the quotes to the illustration and I love all the metaphors, the way The Little Prince tamed The Fox, the relationship between The Little Prince and The Flower, how The Pilot be reminded of The Little Prince whenever he sees the stars, all is just to excruciatingly beautiful!!! I am mesmerized by everything inside it! Such a feast. Such a maturely-childish tale! :’)

  3. unsent letters. how lovely that we write them everyday. in thoughts. reflected in our eyes. whispered. and whispered. unknown to anyone. unheard but only to few gazing stars. sharing pain and sorrow. wishing on the same night sky. and the stars fell each time our tears fall. how tragic. and beautiful.

    1. unsent letters. heart-shaped memories, bursting in words. lonely sentences, never leave those torn pages. crumpled secrets, inside a stack of envelopes. silent phrases and faraway wishes at the back of your plane tickets.

      the farthest distance is one that is not crossed.

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This year, I learned to accept the days when I don't feel motivated, tired, or a bit grumpy. I learned to allow myself to sit with this feeling instead of feeling guilty about it and forcing myself to be productive, socialize, or just get things done.
Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash
In the end, self-care is not always about doing the things that make us feel good or give us instant gratification. It's also about doing the RIGHT thing: something that is good for us in the long run—even if it may feel hard at times.
Hanny illustrator
Hi. I'm HANNY
I am an Indonesian writer and an artist/illustrator based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I love facilitating writing/creative workshops and retreats, especially when they are tied to self-exploration and self-expression. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting life—one word at a time.

hanny

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