A few months ago, I published a posting called “BERBAGI SUAMI“. Last night, one of my friend I mentioned in that posting called me up.

She: Han? Guess what?

Nie: What? You broke up with him?

She: Yes, it’s over.

Nie: Great!

She: What do you mean ‘great’? I’m so fucked up!

Nie: At least, you’ve done the right thing. Don’t you think?

She: Yes, but actually he’s the one who told me that this is the best thing for us–to stay away from each other. To end this relationship …

Nie: Well, that’s … good …

She: But I want to have a voice in this relationship! I want to make a choice for my own life, for OUR relationship!

Nie: Well, let’s put it this way. In YOUR relationship, he’s got a choice as well, dear. His choice is to call it a quit.

She: Damn. You’re right. It hurts.

Nie: Hey, come on. There are still so many guys out there, like AD.

She: AD is a jerk!

Nie: Well, what about your ‘man’? Don’t you think he’s a jerk himself? At least AD is not married yet. He doesn’t have 2 kids!

She: That’s mean, you know.

Nie: I’m just trying to be honest.

She hang up the phone.

Probably I haven’t become a good friend, but at least I didn’t betray the values I believe in. I hope she’ll understand. I hope she’ll forgive me. I hope she realized that I said those things because I care about her sooo much. I won’t support her in this case, as I won’t support my friend who wanted to jump from the 21st floor and ended her future in an instant.

I hope she’ll understand the kind of friendship I cherish.
I love her too much to be able to tell her beautiful lies.


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Standing up for yourself does not have to look aggressive. It does not have to feel like a fight. It's not always about convincing others or explaining yourself and your decisions with the hope that everyone else understands or accepts your choice.
Screenshot 2022-12-08 at 12.43.17
This year, I learned to accept the days when I don't feel motivated, tired, or a bit grumpy. I learned to allow myself to sit with this feeling instead of feeling guilty about it and forcing myself to be productive, socialize, or just get things done.
Hanny illustrator
I am an Indonesian writer and an artist/illustrator based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I love facilitating writing/creative workshops and retreats, especially when they are tied to self-exploration and self-expression. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting life—one word at a time.