About 2 or 3 weeks ago, during lunch, my friends at Maverick were discussing about this new movie: “Berbagi Suami”. As a modern women, we do not believe in poligamy—nor the voluntarily will of some women (especially some who are well educated and come from a very promising background), to get themselves involved in a situation where they have to ‘share’ their husband with other women.
Therefore, I was shocked when a friend of mine, who has the same educational background and same perspectives on many issues of life with me, came up to me one day and said that she was dating a married man. A married man with a wife and a 3-y.o. daughter!

She told me how they were in love with each other, and at the moment, they’re just enjoying this romantic encounters as they go along with their everyday life. She told me that she knows how wrong the thing she did. But she just can’t help it. She’s in love. I didn’t say I understand the reason why she was involving herself in such a mess. Because honestly, I don’t understand it. And it would be a lie to say how much I understand her position. Because I don’t. I just don’t.

I know it’s impossible to control your feelings. You’ll never know to whom you’ll be falling in love with—either he’s single man, divorced man, or married man. But you always have choices to control your action. You can choose to get into romance with this married man or not. You can choose to kiss this married man or not.

Therefore, my friends’ situation seems ‘invalid’ to me. And why would you want to hurt other woman’s feelings? Woman with kids?!! And the fact that this married man cheats on his wife… can’t you hear a bell rings in your head? Hel-looo? If he could cheat on his wife, why can’t he cheats on you? Apart from the fact that this man’s wife is a good person or a bad person, they’re already married to each other. And there’s no excuse for you to interfere!

What strucked me the most is what this married man said to my friend. He said, in the end, he had to be responsible to his family. Therefore, in an occasion, he told my friend this crazy sentence: “You know who I am since the very beginning. I have wife and kids, so don’t put too much hope on me”. As a woman, I think of it as an insult. Why? First, because it is true. Second, because a woman should be able to protect herself in such a way so she would never have to hear such thing. Third, because as a woman in that situation, you should also have the pride to say: “I have never, N.E.V.E.R, put any hopes on you, looser. Because you’re hopeless!”

But my friend didn’t seem to think that way. I have no idea why would someone wants to get involved in a relationship that won’t take them anywhere. This man is having a little romance with you, having fun, going out for dating, sending you romantic SMS once every 30 minutes… but in the end, he’ll go back to his wife. To his daughters. To his family. And there my friend will be. On her own.

I kept reminding my friend that because she has already getting herself involved in this mess, she must realize the fact that she has no voice in this relationship. She must realize the fact that one day, this man will leave her. And she better be prepared to face that day; hopefully before this man’s wife smell the affair and caught them red-handed.

Love doesn’t hurt, my friend. Love doesn’t hurt.

IMG. http://ospitiweb.indire.it/ictavagnacco/burton/The_Pin_Cushion_Queen/Pin_Cushion_Queen.jpg

hanny

One Response

  1. bottom line.. People are too naive and spoiled when it comes to a relationship, they’re looking for something, excitement, instead of love, that can please their helpless boring life, Me?? I love my self more than anyone could have ever loved me. Why putting so much hope to people you thought who would love you more than your self . Next thing you know, you’ll be left with nobody …nothing, Please, do your self a favor…love your self and your life…. cheerss..

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This year, I learned to accept the days when I don't feel motivated, tired, or a bit grumpy. I learned to allow myself to sit with this feeling instead of feeling guilty about it and forcing myself to be productive, socialize, or just get things done.
Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash
In the end, self-care is not always about doing the things that make us feel good or give us instant gratification. It's also about doing the RIGHT thing: something that is good for us in the long run—even if it may feel hard at times.
Hanny illustrator
Hi. I'm HANNY
I am an Indonesian writer and an artist/illustrator based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. I love facilitating writing/creative workshops and retreats, especially when they are tied to self-exploration and self-expression. In Indonesian, 'beradadisini' means being here. So, here I am, documenting life—one word at a time.

hanny

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