It’s Right.

I was running late for work. So I didn’t change my shirt. The evening’s drinks left a lingering taste in my mouth.*

You know it’s right because it’s light. You know it’s right because your heart is clear. You know it’s right because your mind is free from fear. You know it’s right because you stop worrying. You know it’s right because you can just take it all in or let it all out–and both feels equally satisfying. You know it’s right because you don’t really think about what can possibly go wrong: chances are, things can actually go right.

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And when I left. You were fast asleep. Tangled in the sheets. And on the bus I could have sworn it was all a dream. And it didn’t happen to me.*

You know it’s right because it’s bright. You know it’s right because it feels so damn good. You know it’s right because you’re happy. You know it’s right because you feel pretty. You know it’s right because when you’re standing in front of a mirror, you really like what you see. You know it’s right because wherever you go, whatever you do, and whomever you’re with, you keep on seeing the best in you and the best in them.

And then I felt the scrapes. From the slippery subway grate. Oh, how you laughed. At my complete lack of grace.*

You know it’s right because you can simply be–without the need to even try. You know it’s right because you always mean what you say. You know it’s right because you do not say the things you do not mean. You know it’s right because when you mean it, you feel it. You know it’s right because you are who you are. You know it’s right because you never need to question ‘what-did-I-do-wrong’. You know it’s right because the other person does not give you a reason to ever doubt yourself. You know it’s right because you live in the now.

But I could not recall. A more perfect fall. Cause when I looked up into your eyes. It didn’t hurt at all.*

You know it’s right because it doesn’t feel like a fight. You know it’s right because you don’t have to worry about winning or losing. You know it’s right because the two of you are equally bad at playing games. You know it’s right because you say and hear thank you. You know it’s right because you say and hear sorry. You know it’s right because each word carries the same weight, meaning, and importance for the both of you. You know it’s right because when the other person looks into your eyes, you let your feeling shows.

And I thought, be still my heart. This could be a brand new start, with you. And it will be clear. If I wake up and you’re still here with me in the morning.*

You know it’s right because the other person appreciates the great little things you do–when all the while, you only think of them as ‘little things’. You know it’s right because though the circumstances may not be ideal, that doesn’t bother you the least. You know it’s right because you can talk to the other person for hours and be silent with the other person for hours–and none feels even close to awkward. You know it’s right because it feels effortlessly nice. You know it’s right because it feels like gratitude.

——–
*the lyrics from The Postal Service’s Be Still My Heart–a wonderful song :)

{Our first rain of the season is here, he said. And it smells beautiful. And if you were here, I want to give you a kiss. Upside-down. Spiderman-style. She chuckled to that and the world continued to shower her with glittering pixy dust.}

A Secretly Sad Story.

When he told me that he’s going to tell me a very sad story, I said: bring it on. Here you go, he said. It’s a story about something you’ve left behind…

***

They met in an unlikely circumstance. She was tired of having too high of an expectation. He was still trying to recover from a recent heartbreak. She glanced at him, trying to catch his solemn eyes. He glanced at her, trying to catch her halcyon eyes. As the gap between them grew smaller by the minute, she realized that she wanted to know more about him and he realized that he wanted to know more about her. And that was exactly when (just like in any other sad stories you knew) their time was up. And they had to part.

She didn’t realize it until she left. As she sat there waiting for the plane to take off, she realized that she had left something behind. He didn’t realize it until she left. As he sat there looking at his computer screen, he realized that she had taken something away from him. Both were not looking, both were not searching—which explained why, when they met, they didn’t realize the fact that they had actually found each other.

But life had taken its toll, and there was nothing they can do except to move forward, secretly finding ways to meet each other again, and kept missing each other until the day they meet again.

***

The saddest part is, he said, when they parted that day they didn’t realize that they would spend the rest of their lives, trying to find each other again. Don’t you think it’s sad?

It is sad, I answered. But I think things like this happen all the time in all parts of the world. It makes you feel like we’re all actually longing for something. And when you’re missing someone, thousands of other missing souls reverberate with you, creating a wave that is so big, so loud, so strong, it will somehow rub off on the person you’re thinking about.

On a cloudy morning, when you’re missing that someone so much, just remember that the thought alone will rub off on him. He might have just woken up, feeling bad, sitting at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of hot coffee to start the day and suddenly he would feel this immense warmth blanketed him, filling him in with a lovely nostalgia like a carefree memories of distant summer days, and before he realized it, he would have found himself smiling.

Of course he couldn’t explain the reason of this sudden lift of mood, but don’t we all know the reason?

Nevertheless, let’s just keep it a secret.

– A sunny afternoon in Jakarta, headphones on, Mera Bichra Yaar from Strings playing on repeat.