Don’t Think That Love Should Be Permanent.

I remembered one sunny afternoon in Delhi’s Khan Market. I was inside a small bookstore–looking for some Hindi poetry books for Ollie. The room was packed with books, starting from the floor all the way to the ceiling. Books were stacked here and there. I needed to walk very carefully to avoid collapsing those book piles. Once and a while, I climbed into a wooden bench to see the titles on the upper shelves. I was rummaging through some Hindi poetry books when I found a pink book that caught my attention instantly. OSHO was written in big letters on the cover. Ollie was the one who introduced me to Osho’s works a few months back–and I had tried to look for his works in English bookstores in Indonesia to no avail. That afternoon, the universe guided me to find Osho’s book and the title was: BEING IN LOVE. I spent my days in India reading this book–mostly during my 6-hour ride from Delhi to Agra. I wished I found this book sooner, but I guessed everything falls into place when the time is right. When I am ready.


Here’s a beautiful excerpt from the book that I’d like to share with you:

Love cannot be learned, it cannot be cultivated. The cultivated love will not be love at all. When you learn something, it means something comes from the outside; it is not an inner growth. And love has to be your inner growth if it is to be authentic and real.

Love is not a learning but a growth. What is needed on your part is not to learn the ways of love but to unlearn the ways of un-love. The hindrances have to be removed, the obstacles have to be destroyed—then love is your natural, spontaneous being. Once the obstacles are removed, the rocks thrown out of the way, the flow starts. It is already there—hidden behind many rocks, but the spring of love is already there. It is your very being.

Love is a breeze.

Don’t think that love has to be permanent, and it will make your love life more beautiful because you will know that today you are together, and tomorrow perhaps you will have to part. 

Love comes like a fresh, fragrant breeze into your home, fills it with freshness and fragrance, remains as long as existence allows it, and then moves out. You should not try to close all your doors, or the same fresh breeze will become absolutely stale. In life, everything is changing and change is beautiful; it gives you more and more experience, more and more awareness, more and more maturity.

The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it is not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of the other person—without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other into a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.


38 thoughts on “Don’t Think That Love Should Be Permanent.

    1. @beradadisini Post author

      Hey, that would make a nice quote! >> I believe love should be growing and not falling. *peluk Popon* Miss you! :* Baik-baik kamu di sana, ya, banyak-banyaklah makan bacang dan minum teh manis :D

  1. When in New Places

    Oh my, where to start.
    First of all, thank you for this. It made me cry from it’s perfection. I am so grateful to have discovered this. I believe this, with all of my heart.
    I believe “The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love” I have never heard it worded quite so perfectly. We’re so dependent on others to fill the gap when we’re in need (and oh-so capable) of doing it for ourselves.
    Wow, what a find. Just lovely. I can imagine how moving this would have been for you on that train from Delhi to Agra.
    This has made my day.
    Thanks so much :)

    1. @beradadisini Post author

      Hi, Andrea! Great works always touch us in such a personal way. Most of these works come to us in a whisper, thus we need to be silent and attentive to receive the message. And when one put oneself in such state, one usually becomes reflective, and so the beautiful message rings true :) Have a wonderful day, Andrea! Stay lovely! :)

  2. genevieveaamel

    Indeed. I also like this one, Cibo…

    If thou must love me, let it be for nought
    Except for love’s sake only.

    For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
    Be changed, or change for thee,-

    But love me for love’s sake, that evermore
    Thou mayst love on, through love’s eternity.
    — Elizabeth Barrett Browning–

  3. jafis

    “In life, everything is changing and change is beautiful; it gives you more and more experience, more and more awareness, more and more maturity.” like this..

  4. Pingback: Don’t Think That Love Should be Permanent (Re-post) | Dian Ismarani

  5. Della

    Hi there. Randomly bumped into this blog.

    “Don’t think that love should be permanent” true. Everybody will leave, sooner or later. But one way or another, I hope everyone of us can find love that always have tomorrow.

    Thank you for sharing anyway. Your blog is lovely :)

  6. Pingback: No String Attached | thearbinitnut

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