The Luckiest Girls in The World

*untuk Mateel, hihihihi, kok jadi terharu sih … ;p

Dimulai dengan ‘oleh-oleh’ berupa sebatang pensil biru dengan hiasan bunga di atasnya. Nila memberikannya pada saya sepulangnya dari TheBodyShop. Dia bilang pensil itu dibagi-bagikan secara gratis. Saya langsung melonjak-lonjak kegirangan, meraut si pensil sampai runcing, dan tersenyum simpul tiap kali menggunakannya untuk menulis.

Kemudian, pada suatu siang yang lengas, saya dan Nila bersama-sama mendamparkan diri di TheBodyShop. Girang mendapatkan pembatas buku biru gratis dengan hiasan bunga di atasnya. Kami pun menyumbang Rp 10.000,- di kotak amal, kemudian mendapat kesempatan memutar “Wheel-of-Fortune”. Roda berputar, kemudian berhenti pada alur berwarna ungu… dan kami pun dihadiahi masing-masing sebuah agenda merah tua dari beludru. Kami mengisi agenda itu dengan lembar-lembar kertas di dalam taksi sepanjang perjalanan pulang. Merabanya. Tertawa. Menyelipkan bolpen. Senang.

Suatu siang, saya dan Nila bersarang di dapur kantor.
Kami terkikik-kikik ketika dengan bersemangat membuat dua gelas Nescafe frappe–yang dibawakan seorang kawan dari Yunani. Kami mem-‘blender’ frappe sambil mengobrol riang, kemudian menuangkan susu cair ke dalam cangkir dengan penuh semangat. Sambil menyeruput busa frappe, kami berjingkat-jingkat kembali ke meja masing-masing.
Senang.

Hari ini, kami kembali berada di dapur. Membuat berondong jagung; berdiri di depan microwave, tertawa-tawa setiap kali biji-biji jagung itu meletup. Harumnya mulai tercium. Dan kami pun mulai menaburkan bubuk keju. Mengguncang-guncang kantung kertasnya agar seluruh bubuk tercampur merata ke seluruh butir-butirnya. Nila terbahak ketika melihat rambut saya bergoyang ke kiri dan ke kanan; saking semangatnya saya mengguncang-guncangkan kantung kertas itu.

Kami tertawa. Cekikikan. Kembali ke meja kami yang bersebelahan. Dan berbagi sekantong berondong jagung. Senang.

Beberapa waktu yang lalu, kami pernah berkata pada satu sama lain,”Hal-hal beginian aja bisa bikin kita senang! Kasihan ya, kita?!! Ya ampun, kita sangat mudah untuk dipuaskan!”. Kemudian kami pun tertawa terbahak-bahak.

Detik ini saya menyadari kata ‘kasihan’ itu sangatlah bernada menyindir. Sebaliknya, kami termasuk orang-orang paling beruntung di dunia! Bayangkan, kami masih bisa melayang bahagia dan tak berhenti tertawa hanya karena secangkir frappe dan sebatang pensil gratisan…

Dalam dunia di mana kebahagiaan mulai menjadi sesuatu yang mahal dan perlu diperjuangkan, tentu saja kami merasa sedemikian beruntung karena masih bisa merasa senang hanya dengan memandangi berondong jagung meletup-letup di dalam microwave.

IMG. NESCAFE http://www.hellenic-shop.com/hsgo/images/22501.jpg
IMG. ORVILE http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000CSKK5A.01._SCMZZZZZZZ_V54919844_.jpg

+16178779897

Jam 9 pagi. Berlari pulang.
Ada sesuatu yang membuat saya sedikit terburu-buru.

Tangan kanan: satu pot lavender dan tanaman sirih-sirihan; tangan kiri: sebungkus soto mie dan berbagai macam gorengan. Ada sesuatu yang membuat saya sedikit tergesa meletakkan bungkusan-bungkusan tanpa dibereskan. Mengguyur telapak kaki yang panas dengan air dingin, kemudian berlari-lari ke kamar. Meraih telepon genggam–dan menyadari ada satu pesan singkat bertengger di layar:

Dengan bangga kuakui
diri ini sudah tidak
singel lagi. He he he
senangnya!*

Saya tertegun sejenak. Kemudian terbahak. That is so you 🙂
Selamat! Ternyata kamu duluan …

*a gift for Silent Soul’s 1st anniversary 🙂

Scrapblog, Scattered – Broken

I started to think that though I have been trying so damn hard to deny it, the fact remains the same: I love him as much as I hate him; the fact that these follies drive me mad and eat up my sanity bit by bit. And I wonder if I could ever call it a quit.

I thought I have managed to get over him and all those cheesy feelings. But when I found out that he had left a message in my mailbox a few days ago, my heart beat fast. Suddenly the room turned colder, as well as my palms, and it was hard to breathe. It took no more than a sec before I completely turned into an airhead.

I was overflowed with this stupid utopia that he must have dropped some meaningful lines for me, and that he would really “talk” to me through this email—remembering that it had been years since our last chit-chat.


But, of course, as usual, my heart sank when I clicked the subject of his mail and those lines appeared on my iBook’s screen. It was a meaningless sentence; a slight “thank you” in a very formal tone, indicating that the reason he dropped the line was merely an act of courtesy.

It made me want to scream and curse. (I didn’t cry, my tears were already accustomed to a certain level of pain he caused—and this shit was nothing compared to what have happened years ago)

My friends started to think that I was obsessed, which might be true. But you just can’t find a getaway from you feelings, can you? It’s in your head and it becomes a part of you and you just can’t ditch this feelings no matter how hard you try. Crossed my mind that probably I should give Ms. Kassandra a call and asked her if she could help me with a hypnotherapy of some sort. Probably that will work.

Oh, this is so shallow! I’m in really deep shit. I’m sick. And I can easily laugh at myself at this very moment! I am nothing more than a shallow-minded person who places to much hope on such silly stuffs.

As I started to think that I should have just ended it all, I realized that it was impossible: because nothing has ever begun after all.

IMG. http://www.irational.org/heath/stained_glass/bristol_st_werbughs_glass_graffiti01.jpg

Naraism

So here we are again.

In our one and only ‘cursing-session’: discussing about the same old crap over and over again. Laughing at those vivid images in our mind about how sweet revenge would be.

Crossed my mind, that these stupid conversation will make us feel better. That is so wrong. We always ends up feeling even worse.

It makes me look like Yoshimoto Nara’s artwork.

IMG. http://www-math.mit.edu/~jkeren/myself_files/hothousedoll.jpg

Drat!

I’m just being cynical, but …
there will come a day when you just have to face it all—whether you like it or not. Those past mistakes of yours, those sins awaiting to be redeemed, those regrets that had been haunting you for years…

One day, the hottest club can no longer be your asylum; the wildest party can no longer divert you from these irritating thoughts; even those glistening liquids can no longer ditch those guilty feelings that swarm under your skin.

Yes, you can always cut your wrist or swallow some pills if you’d like to. But this life will go on, with… or without you.

God, why don’t you give yourself a chance?
You deserve it as much as I do!

IMG. http://www.ehponline.org/docs/2005/113-4/pills.jpg